Experiencing reality.

As mornings pass by, nights shift over into tiresome days where clouds are the death of me, I feel as though I'm getting a little better. Things are getting better in 'layers', sort of. I've found an anchor for my feelings, she seems to bring me that much closer to the reality that I grew up in, not the one that I've pushed myself into without realizing.

Days when I want to stay asleep forever, when my dreams are more realistic and ideal than reality, nights when I just wish I could sleep but my thoughts are too frantic to calm down and take a breather. All of these attribute to a harsh and annoying lifestyle. The only positive outlook I have on this whole ordeal is that it seems to be going away. My goal for life is to fix this abyss that I've fallen into, to escape the darkness that seems to be engulfing my whole idea of what it means to be alive, to diminish it by forcing happiness upon it. It's working a little, I think.

I spend my days tired, wanting sleep but knowing I can't waste my life in a bed. That can wait till I'm old and unable to function. I always wonder how bright days really are, they're a dull shade of grey to me. Will happiness ever be accomplished before I whither away into an unknown afterlife? I've yet to find out.