How terrible is it that I want trust? Is it really that horrible? I know. I know. I get it, I'm a teenager, I can't be trusted, I'm hormonal, I'll fuck up, I do something I'll regret, blahblahblah. I find it terrible that my friends can be trusted out late, like one or two in the morning, but I come home once, at eleven thirty, after altering parental units that I was running late and I'm suddenly irresponsible. How does that work out? Seriously? How?!
Now I'm not asking to be allowed out till one or two in the morning, but a curfew of ten would be better. My curfew is like nine or eight thirty. New years eve, in order to get an okay to stay after midnight with my boyfriend I had to almost cry, now not tantrum cry. I'm just frustrated with everyone saying that he and I are going to have sex because of the way we act. Someone, anyone! Please inform me how we act? Like a couple?! Really! My god! I didn't know I was allowed to do that! I'm so terribly sorry! Please forgive me for cuddling! Forgive me for have undiagnoised insomnia where I get between two to four hours of sleep a night despite lying awake for hours, thus resulting me in taking a nap on my boyfriend.
I'm just at my ropes end. No one trusts us. You know what it is that my grandmother is telling me that is reassures her when I bascially scream at her I'm not going to have sex, and that he and I haven't had sex. She assumes that he and I have. And we haven't.
His mom assumes we've had sex. Frankly, we've been together three months, that's it. That's too short of a time in my opinion to have sex with someone. He assures me that it isn't because his mom thinks I'm easy (though with everyone assuming we've had sex it feels like they think I'm some two cent gutter slut opening her legs.) Like I've tried talking to my grandma, telling her that she should trust me, but she doesn't, I can tell. She says she does. But then complains that I go to his house too much (which is a lie, I go like once or twice every two weeks.)
I don't know. I just feel cheapened. All this assumptions are making me feel like shit. All I want is a little trust. Like we are confined to my couch at my house (okay, I can get that.... no I can't.) My ex and I would lay on my bed, no one said anything! Nothing at all! My current boyfriend and I have laid on my bed a total of two, maybe three times and everyone throws a bitch fit, how that's not right, how its disrespectful. What? Is it because he's not hispanic? Because he's my second boyfriend? What?! Why would you tell me nothing with my ex, but flip a shit on my current?
It was worse, everyone in my family has an opinion on my relationship. And all of them think that we're too serious too soon. I'm sorry father, but didn't you marry some whore, who was still fucking her ex/current (same person) husband after three months of knowing her? You my father, have no say in how I should set the pace of my relationship.
I hate how my brother had more freedom younger than me. He was allowed to sleep over friend's houses. I slept over once, and I was told never again. He is allowed to have friends over whenever, he's allowed to have a girl in his room, door closed and locked! Me, god forbid if my boyfriend and are watching a moive in my room, door open (happened twice.) I'm just annoyed with the double standard. With constantly being told "You're important, I have to take care of you." How are you going to handle it when I move out? When I'm the first one to move out! Come on, your fourty-four year old son still lives in your basement. Your twenty-one year old grandson has never worked a day in his life and isn't planning on doing so any time soon. I'm your seventeen year old granddaughter, have worked, I'm smart with my money, I'm self-reliant, I'm getting all my college applications done (just waiting on the school), I can get my self food when I have money, I can COOK myself food if I'm home alone, so sue me that my room is messy. Why out of three choices, do you choose not to trust me?! What have I done to give anyone the idea that I'm going to be stupid and have sex and without a condom no less (yes, ladies and gents my grandmother thinks I'm stupid enough to go raw!)
I'm done ranting, I'm sick of this. I know all I do is whine, but I don't want to dump this on my friends, I've dumped this on my boyfriend already and it screwed up majority of new years eve for us 'cause of my sour mood. I'm just sick and tired of being mistrusted because everyone assumes that I'm going to have sex. But frankly, what does it matter if I do? If I'm smart that should be all that matters. I'm eventually going to have sex, deal with it family.
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