Why My Parents are Ninjas

You know, no matter how hard it gets, it is almost impossible to deny the fact that my parents must be some sort of super heroes. They helped me get top scores on school projects, they helped me understand the un-understandable (i.e. kindergarten homework), and they always know the most comforting words to say. But something they did to me this weekend really made me realize how awesome my parents really are.

**I would first like to incorporate a commercial break on my immaculate health. I NEVER get sick. I take vitamins everyday, I keep a steady exercise program (by program I mean an overabundance of writing, my wrists have never been so muscular) and I mostly eat healthy food. I lather up with instant alcohol sanitizer anytime I even think I hear a cough, and I get regular vaccinations.**

When I suddenly had a fever shoot up into the high 100's (103.5-104.2F) I was quite surprised. I didn't want anyone to feel concerned about me (i guess I hate showing weaknesses) so I locked myself in my room with six water bottles. I pulled the comforter off my twin's bed, and retrieved six pairs of socks from the drawer.

I then proceeded to bundle up as though winter were about to descend upon me in my own bed and pathetically crawled under my blankets. After a few minutes of moving my legs around hoping to cause enough friction to start making things warm I decided to make myself get out of bed and borrow our kitty's heating pad... and then borrow the kitties.

There is nothing comparable to the force of magnetics a cat has to your body when you are sick. I mean they just sort of stick there and become a part of you.

As I was saying, I turned the heating pad on high and I welcomed the kitties under my blankets. They acted as though they were on vacation to the beach and I was the sun-drenched sand. So with all four kitties and the heating pad and the extra comforter and the extra socks I gradually began to feel warm. The funny thing about being sick is, when you finally get comfortable, your body likes to switch things up. Within a matter of minutes (lets say 30) I was sweltering. All the precious liquids I had been downing were suddenly leaking from me and I felt like I was on fire. I groaned, hating to take the blankets off thinking I would get cold really quickly again (stupid chills), so I settled for removing the cats. One by one I removed them from under my blankets and placed them on the floor.

Have you ever tried to remove a cat from heat? They will find a way to get back to it. Instead of having four uncomfortably snuggly cats under the blankets with me they now were lying on top of me. It was like they were anchoring the blankets down. Now crawling out from under four cats is no hard task for even the weakest of humans, but when you’re sick your strength goes down like…. A hundred points (that’s nerd speak for I was really freakin weak).

I was still hot so I grumbled and groaned and managed to stick one leg out at the end of my bed and sort of slither under the blankets until I slid to the floor. The cats hardly seemed disturbed.

I walked down the hall removing sock after sock after sock. Why had I worn so many socks? I left a trail like no body’s business. I never wanted to see socks again. I made a quick pit stop in the restroom. I felt like I was on vacation and my bowls and stomach were the two annoying kids that needed to be pulled over every few minutes because they were tired of sitting in the car. You get the idea.

After satisfying my overactive organs I miserably made my way downstairs to the couch.

Let me explain this couch. It is the most uncomfortable object to sit on, because it is too soft. I mean, it IS comfortable some times, but not when you’re sitting on it for hours when you watch movies or something. Quick sitting is ok. However, when you are sick, this couch becomes an audience of angel’s arms that wrap you up and hold you to make you feel better. I spend most of my time on ‘the couch’ when I’m sick because it heals…. I’m sure of it.

I looked to the kitchen before lying down on ‘The Couch’ and noticed liquid medicine sitting on the edge of the counter beckoning me, shining its thick orangey glow enticing me to swallow it’s sticky thickness to cleanse my body. I really hate medicine, but this stuff knocks you out and I wanted to be out like a 21 year old on their birthday. SO I scuffled along the room making it to the medicine. I didn’t look at the instructions. I just opened it and drank a nice gulp. (This is bad kids. DO NOT try it at home. I was kind of out of it, which doesn’t make it ok, but it’s an excuse…k?)

I made it back to the couch holding my head and I collapsed there. I groaned to an empty house how miserable I was. My twin was at school all night hosting a study group, and Mum and Dad were at work. SO I was there to fend for myself. After I groaned into the couch a bit more the medicine gripped me by the neck and yanked me into sleep.

COMMERCIAL BREAK #2:
I had a very interesting collection of dreams. If you do not want to hear about these reams and finally find out why my parents are ninja’s please go down to the stars along the page:

Dream #1. I dreamt that my sister and I could make more money by chasing rubbish trucks. So through the whole dream we chased the rubbish trucks and somehow ended up millionaires.

Dream #2. My twin and I were doing homework, like we often do together, and I kept trying to put mine in the microwave so that I could get it ‘done.’ It worked. Microwaving homework really get it done…..

Dream #3. I was the leader in the mafia. That’s it, nothing big or surprising. I was just the leader.

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Sometime between the Rubbish chasing and mafia ruling my parents came home and set to work on my patheticness. I awoke to them quietly talking in the kitchen about ‘poor Erin’ and ‘I hope she feels better soon’ and whatnot. Anyone that has ever been sick could tell you that people being concerned for you makes you feel a whole lot better no matter what…. even if it is a bit conceited.

But the other thing I noticed was that I felt a decent temperature. It was because of my parents. Sometime during my sleep they had placed socks on my feet, covered and tucked me in with two fuzzy afghans and had placed a couch pillow under my head.

Ninjas.

They had done it and they didn’t wake me up. It felt really good because they had cared enough to do these little things. They really meant a lot to me. I did have a little trouble moving and the reason was because the four kitties came back. I couldn’t hide from them. Cats know…. Once you’re sick you are the epic gathering center. I was the cat’s version of a sunbeam. It wasn’t uncomfortable, though, because the afghans were separating their radiator heat from my body.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know how much you should appreciate your parents, they do things for you, not to get praise or recognition, but just to help you get well and feel better.

And that’s why my parents are ninjas.