Fix It

He’s a complete and utter asshole, I wish I could hate him. Hate everything that makes him who he is, till I can’t feel any other emotion in my body, but I can’t… because I love him. I love him even if he shattered my once upon a time whole heart. One day he tells me that I shouldn’t worry, because he loves me. Then the next he comes and literally rips out my leaking heart and tears it apart. The only thing I have left to feel now is the constant feeling of the fact I may be sick. My stomach turns and in agony now, to top that off it’s so difficult to consume anything.
Sure this may sound extremely over the top, but it’s infact true.
He said that the distance was too hard on him. He said that I relied far too much on my parents. He said that I was immature. He said in other words that he doesn’t trust me. He said that I was too young, and our aim in life was different to one anothers. He spoke to his older sister, best female friend, and my friend about it all. Never once speaking to me about such things.
My friend said that he broke up with me because I was insecure, because I was immature, because I push people away, because I speak to other people.
He knew from the very beginning my age, and the fact that I lived in the neighboring country. He also knew that I still lived with my parents, but then again.. so does he. He’d say how when he was sixteen/seventeen he got a job, did everything on his own, never relied on his parents for help. Basically he grew up. He thought I should do the same now that I’m seventeen. I told him that it wasn’t a case of having to grow up. It’s just about how I was raised. I grew up abroad, in dangerous countries where surveillance was a must. So was supervision. But no. To him it was all an excuse. Maybe it was that, but I can’t help how I grew up.
Then at the end of it all, he’d tell me he still loved me. But he has to follow his heart. Which is telling him to lead another lifestyle. Or maybe it’s all his friends pressuring him into stopping any relationship with a girl who’s five years younger and just so happens to live elsewhere in the EU. Who knows what it is anymore. In the end of the day, even with all these problems… these questions I still no doubt about it love him.

You know, today is January 6th, right? Well yesterday was the day he did it. Broke my heart, and also yesterday was the official date of our being together for a month. Although technically speaking we’d been together for three months. Then we’ve been speaking for seven months now, and before he even asked me out, he was fine with this distance factor… but now everything changes. What’s up with this situation? Is it all that he says it’s meant to be? Because I have a feeling there is another reason lingering just below this story. But I guess I have yet to find out.

I really just had to let out all my emotions now. Maybe see what y’all think.
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