An Oddity Among You

I know that I'm not a bad person. My intentions are pure, and I never try to hurt anybody. Actually, I am patient and forgiving; I do what I can to make people comfortable.

But I have a problem with relationships, with guys. I refuse to date, and I am sixteen. I have barely had a proper boyfriend in my life. And my odd stuborness and "insecurity" is hurting people. When guys attempt to approach me...get to know me, I shut them out. They ask "why?" and I can't explain it.

How can I explain my mind to them if I don't understand it myself?

And it's not as if I had a bad experience wih relationships or anything. My life was hard, but it wasn't unhappy. I just can't seem to find it in myself to be with anybody, but at the same time, I want someone to treat me like a girlfriend and tell me that I'm pretty.

I don't think I'm insecure. I am very outgoing, and I get things done. I don't let anyone push me around, but I am not a bully either. I love life. I want people to love me. But I don't let anyone in.

I see that my guy "friends" are frustrated. They want to understand me; they want to be with me. They can't settle just for friends...because they love me or whatever. Yeah, I think they really do. And at the same time, I'm thinking "what have I possibly done to make them love me like this? I don't lead anyone on"

I wish that they didn't try so hard. In the end, they are going to be hurt by me. I try to let them down gently, but the pain will be the same. Because they can't seem to understand that I will not make a choice of who I want for a very long time.

That's why I consider only girls as my friends. Because I simply cannot be friends with guys...it always turns into this awful battle for a relationship.

Ugh. I am so tired of being a teenager. I am sick of seeing couples around me. Why is it so easy for them? Why don't those girls have problems like mine with dating?

I'm not lesbian.
It's not like I don't want to date.
So what's my problem?