I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE SELFISH!!!!!

So here goes,
my father raised me with my grandmother from poland, my mother was in and out different rehabs until i was 10. i fought so hard to be with my mom that now i am with my mom i have used her. I have walked all over her and used her because she wanted me to have the best things and be happy and she never once disaplined me or yelled at me until the other night. i have been begging her to move to new jersey for 2 years now and she got a house in nj and i snaked around and didn't give her a true answer cuz i have a bf here. he doesn't want to be apart from me for the 2 months that it will take for him and i too save money to get a place of our own. i want to be able to go home to my bf not just my bf and mom or his mom and him. i want to come home to him. so where am i wrong in saying that it's gonna be ok. how hard is it to save for 2-3 months and then be together? he said he has a right to be selfish...who gets that as a right? let me explain that i am a selfless person i will do anything for someone else before myself. you ask me to jump and ill say how high, i know i shouldn't but when it comes to the people i love then i will. but u know what i'm tired of doing things for other people and no one doing for me. my bf says we can do it but i feel like i have put out more than he has. more love more patience more time. he told me that if i want him to listen to me and he's playing a game on the ps3 or the phone that i should ask him to pause it or turn it off. i shouldn't have to ask!!!! he should just listen like come on now!!!! me and my mom got into a fight she yelled at me she screamed and cursed out me. my mother never has yelled at me in 20 years of my life. so i cried, we cried, i woke up. the katie that was scarred to come out is now here. and u know what i'm gonna move to nj and do it for me. save my money for me whether chad pulls his half or not ill do it for me, i can say i did this, this is what i want. and every one else can go fuck them selfs cuz i really don't care any more. there r only 3 friends i will trully miss here sandra, nikki, and nicole. everyone else is a friend and yes ill miss them but the times i shared with those girls are ever lasting. so many nights up until the sun starts to rise. so how am i supposed to feel? im leaving for katie im not leaving to get out of a place where i will not amount to anything but the girl everyone wants to be around or the girl all the guys want but wont say it cuz im a curvy girl, or the girl that can light up this side of town with her smile. well who knows what ill amount to be in nj at least it'll be what i want and once again i could trully give 2 shits what they say about my choice even what my bf has to say cuz if he loves me as much as he says he does then he will prove to me and himself that he can save and be the man i know he is but he's to scarred to show it. playing games takes him to another world where he doesn't have to be himself until i tell him enough is enough ur chad not the guy in the game. i do that but not like he does, i want to be the person in the movie i want to feel what they feel see what they see but it only lasts a max of 2 hours (unless it was a really good movie) so how am i too deal, how am i too cope with looking him in the eyes and watch him push me away and reel me back in at the same time? how am i to get up every day and play a guessing game to what mood he is in? im done playing guessing games im done being the bad guy to make my life better. im done with this pain im done with this heartache from here on out its about me. I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE SELFISH!!!!!!!!!!