Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

Just thought this was funny. read :)

If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

A wand is for magic only, it is not for poking people, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is “Headmaster”, not “My Liege”.

I shall not refer to Malfoy as a cuddle-monkey.

I will not sing "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when asked to go to the Headmaster's office.

I am not allowed to harass the gargoyle In front of the head master’s office. If I do the consequences could be painful.

Announcing "Remember: Save a broomstick! Ride a wizard!" is not an appropriate way to conclude a Quidditch match.

Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled “Firewhiskey”.

Using the 'Petrificus Totalus' curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas present to the House means you should watch your back until June.

I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"

Calling Voldemort "The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live" will get you killed.

The Slytherin Quidditch team should not be referred to as "Draco Malfoy and a moderate amount of cross-dressing". Even if that is an accurate description.

I will not use potions that act like the fortune cookies in freaky Friday.

The four houses are not the Morons, the overly brave asses, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.

I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt.

A good way to piss Hermione off: Write "Hermione Granger was here" on multiple library books, thereby banning her from the library.

Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money making concept.

I will not ask Lupin if it his time of the month.

I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.

I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

I will not refer to the hippogryph as "Horseybird".

I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that.

Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums".