Funeral.

Yesterday my dad had called me and said that I wasn't going to Ruthie's funeral because she committed suicide and took the pussy way out of life.
He didn't want me to go to the funeral think that suicide is okay.He said I am to young to see her and that when I get older that I will understand.
I do understand,it's just that I couldn't think of any other reason what to feel about this and I definitely know that it's rage and sorrow.
I'm raged because she was a very strong,tough person and for her to do this is a HUGE surprise to all of us.As my dad said,she did this to me,to Keenan,to him,to my Grandma and to Fro(her current husband).
I'm feel sorrow because it is true that Ruthie is gone and I don't have anything left,but memories.
My dad wants me to remember the Ruthie that I loved and cared for.The Ruthie that took me to work with her,the Ruthie that hung out with me,the Ruthie that took me home and picked me up.The Ruthie I knew and grew up with.The smart Ruthie that we all loved.
He didn't want to ruin my memories and my mind with this funeral.

I have NO idea what she did...I don't think I wanna know for awhile.
But all I know is I have the good times and I have my brother who is always there for me no matter what.