Letter To Him

I never understood when I was younger the fuzzy feelings in my stomach I got when I though about him. In sixth grade I didn't know he knew I even existed. I was that little girl sitting off to the side watching him throw balls and boys around the field. I shoved the feeling in my gut to the back of my mind.
I figured the reason I couldn't stay committed to any guy for long was because I was scared of a relationship.
In seventh grade I had purposely ended up on your team for the PE soft ball. I would watch you play while sitting in my own fantasy land, day dreaming of what it would be like to kiss you.
That one day when you talked to me, I was astonished. I thought you had no idea who I was, but you walked up and said my name like you had known it for ever. You sat down next to my on that crappy old water fountain and talked to me about rodeo, I froze up and the words kinda stumbled out.
You smiled at me-the smile that made my heart swell until I thought it would burst- then walked away. You hardly said anything to me, only hi every now and then.
When I was in eighth grade I got used to not seeing you everyday, because you moved to high school. Then every rodeo I sat on the edge of the bleacher seat as I mentally cheered you on, praying the bull would not hurt you.
I always hoped with time apart I would forget you, but it is just not happening, you are in my mind 24/7 now and the stupid little crush has consumed me.
You have had every chance in the world to like me, but you never once took it. Maybe it is because of my reputation among the bull riders in district one for being "the biggest bitch" or had a "smart ass mouth" either way, you never tried to make effort to have a conversation with me again..
All I want is your love, but you wont give it to me.
This was my letter of love that will never be sent to you, for fear.
Love you in my heart.