Have you ever felt this way? Like you can't breathe and life is suffocating you?

Have you ever cried and you're not sure why? Maybe it's the things your parents said to you?
My mom gave me a lecture just now and she asked me why I'm wasting my time writing if I can't finish and that she won't let me write anymore unless I finish something.
I felt so angry and so disappointed. My parents have usually supported me with all the things I've done and this is the first time they've said something negative.
Sure I've heard these things from my friend (but she's just negative about everything so I didn't take it to heart so much) but this was so much worse.
I've never been one to talk back to my parents and so I snapped at my mom and said, "I can't write a decent book in just two weeks," to which she replied, "Why not?"
Is it SO HARD to see it my way? NO ONE I KNOW understands! It's damn annoying! I CANNOT STAND IT. I try SO HARD to behave and get good grades and yet NO ONE GETS ME.
I want to SCREAM right now because I'm so furious. I can't EXPLAIN why I am because I DON'T FREAKING UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF.
I feel so forced to be the person I'M NOT and I can't take it anymore! THE ONLY WAY I CAN BE WHO I AM IS THROUGH MY WRITING.
I literally write myself in my characters. I take little pieces of myself and put them in the people I create. Why? Because it's the only way to live through all the criticism and negative comments I receive. I feel like I don't have REAL friends and I can't stand when people tell me things that I DON'T WANT TO HEAR because it makes me so angry... just... I-
I hate myself sometimes. I sometimes feel like a I can't swim and I'm drowning in all the pressure.
I'm in eighth grade. It's the most important year so far and it's apparently the first year I've had REAL friends, and yet there's only one or two that I can truly trust.
I only trust two people in this world, and that's my brother and Miranda.
I tend to put my trust in people who can trust me. They understand me more than I do, sometimes. Even though one of those two doesn't think she's the best person to rely on, I still do, which is why she's the only person (besides you, readers) that I've told about this.
Have you ever put on a mask or dressed up on Halloween? It's what I do every day. I hide who I am from EVERYONE, even my parents. The only real thing I tell people is that light blonde is my real hair color and that I love writing.
What's so hard to understand?
WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? Is it because I'm not the brightest? I don't get it. I JUST DON'T GET IT.
I can't explain how important writing is to me. It's like my drug and I can't replace it with school studies or friends. It's who I am and I can't change that. I can never change it. If anyone tells me I can't do it, I want to scream in their face that "I CAN AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN OR CANNOT DO BECAUSE IT'S WHO I AM AND YOU'RE JUST AN IGNORANT SACK OF SHIT WHO CAN'T RESPECT ME."
I'm really sorry for the rant but I just can't take it right now and I need to vent.
But do you understand where I'm coming from? I'm not perfect. I'm me and that's who I intend on being for as long as I can until society breaks down.
Do you have respect? Because I don't.
I'm getting times where my heart sinks right now and I don't want to go to wake up tomorrow. Do you know that feeling?
I'm sure as hell NOT going to do anything drastic or anything to harm myself. I won't DARE think of that.
Just...Have you ever felt this way?
And I know I sound dramatic but I'm just really bummed and I feel like someone has kicked me while I was down and this is my half-arsed revenge.