Twenty One Things I Rather Dislike.

21. Getting green slime stuck in the plughole. Very irritating since Mr Muscle or a plunger can't move the stuff.

20. Stookies (Plaster Casts) that Cannot Be Drycleaned. You wear a stookie for six weeks and you're expected to sweat it out and hand it into the hospital all smelly? What is this, Klom?

19. The smug arrogance of the human race. Nuff said, innit, nim nim nim.

18. The over-subscription to Foot Fungus Weekly. Just because some tit from some band likes it, a bunch of snot-nosed teenagers come and buy it and now it's filled with articles on "How emo is your little toe?". Dammit, I want reviews on foot powders!

17. Little spots that exist in your nasal capacity. Especially when you have more than one nose or no hands.

16. The vainglorious side of Gordon Brown. We all know you're sexy, stop flaunting it you whore.

15. The fact that heroin is illegal but Conservatism is legal. We all know that Tories fuck you up more than teh smack. Never seen Toryspotting?

14. The price of moon cheese. The bloody stuff tastes like Wensleydale, get over it.

13. The rings of Saturn. Who liked Saturn and put a ring on it? Naebody. That's why Jupiter pwns it's ass.

12. Unhappy primes. Happy Primes are well better.

11. Illegal numbers. 168761846746168415745479821357432479500016568465405112! HA I AM SO HARDCORE.

10. Countdowns of liked/unliked things talked about by relative unknowns.

9. 1984. We all know the totalterian regime kicks in with Sarah Palin which is why Arnie is going to kill her. Obvious.

8. The poetry of Tim Key. Actually, no it isn't, you liar. Yes it is. No it isn't.

7. The luckiness of the number seven. It's bull.

6. Traffic between the 9th and 11th centuries in the time-travel highway. Why else do you think the Dark Ages existed?

5. The lack of hallucinagenic seeds in bread. Another reason to love the 11th century.

4. Dog as man's best friend. Surely dogs are man's bitches?

3. Rap music used ironically by old white people. Not. Funny.

2. Alcohol as a time passer. You want to lose some days, use a TARDIS, not tequila.

1. Edible ball bearings. All the wonder the universe and we invent edible sodding ball bearings?