Some Days I Feel Like Angel (The Guy From That TV Show) Help The Helpless

If you have ever came in contact with an overly emotional, sensitive, over empathetic individual then you already know me. Sort of. See, there are times I feel like Angel from the TV show with the same name. Angel "helps the helpless" and there are times when I feel the same way.

I always seem to attract the people who need help the most, the ones who screw up their lives and do everything in their power to bring someone down with them. My gut tells me to help, to give them what they were deprived of and it hurts to know that I can't help any more.

I can't help because you can't force help on another. I've realised that due to an embarrassing mishap with a person I was so desperate to help, to heal and to give them the love I have. You see, I have just all this love and it pains me to live with it daily.

It's like I need to get rid of it and give it to any and every person I meet. To watch someone self destruct hurts me as well. I feel as though my "mission" is to help the helpless as well.
Then again not every helpless person wants to be saved from their demise. I have a friend named Payge who is willing to kill herself at any given moment.

It took me a very long time but I've trained myself to become more apathetic towards her emotions. I still care for her, but whatever she does is whatever she does. I can't whine to my social worker and force my love down her throat.

It's just, my life feels like one big rescue mission in a video game and the person I'm supposed to protect keeps on dying. And a new person comes along with even more issues I can't resolve.

This is just to say I'm sick of my nature, sick of caring when I don't make a difference. When all I do is make their lives worse. So I guess my love will stay stored in my heart, and I'd be willing for any one to take as much as they need.
Consider me someone at your disposal.
Wiling to be used.

I never realized how much the Angel character and I are alike.
Maybe in the future I'll do my own take on the show, for now I'm gonna go watch Silent Hill and pretend to not care.