So it's been roughly 3 weeks since the radical and beautiful transformation. It still feels slightly surreal, I'm still slightly afraid it's all going to fall apart at the last minute. But all that aside I'm still going to give Him my all and let Him lead and guide my life. I can only ask that He will be patient with me as I get use to constantly seeing Him and talking with Him.
I can already see a transformation within me and the only explanation I have for that transformation is Him. A comment was made to me 3 days ago that seriously made me mad. Instinct was to just lash out at the person who made the comment and walk out the door. I didn't do that though. I was still really pissed with the person as I was walking to my car. On the drive home however, things began to change.
The comment, even thinking about it now, still and will most likely forever boil my blood. But when I think of the person who said it, when I picture them, all anger and hatred ceases. Instinct is still slightly there telling me to hate the person and get my revenge, but that part is almost completely gone. There's another, and larger, part of me that feels nothing but sorrow and helplessness for the the person. All of a sudden there's been a new view point on this person that his never existed before.
The only explanation for this view is the Lord God. We've had a true and existing relationship for roughly 3 weeks and already He's guiding and changing my life. He's shown me exactly who that person (who made the comment) truly is. He's shown me that the person is just a lost child with no way home and just needs someone to pray for him, someone to hope for him that there can be better and brighter days. So I'm going to ask everyone who reads this to just pray that this person see God's light and may the person have better and brighter days.
On another note, and the initial reason for this note, I wish I knew of some way of getting through to my dad. To be honest I don't really know why I bother anymore with him. A good portion of my life he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, and then about 3 1/2 years ago he all of a sudden wants to be in my life. It's still very foreign and strange to me to have him "interested" in my life. Not only that, but it seems rather fake because any time I do tell him something he never retains the information. To this day he still has to ask what my major is and what I want to do after I graduate---my mom could tell you instantly everything, yet he has to continually ask.
He still has no idea about my baptism next month, I know for a fact my mom hasn't told him about it. How on earth do I approach him about that when he constantly randomly "reminds" me that I've already been baptized (I come from a family of nothing but Roman Catholics) and that I'm Roman Catholic. He's no idea that I've become a Christian, he still thinks I'm an Atheist and just randomly reminds me that I'm Roman Catholic and that I've already been baptized. It'd be nice to have him at my baptism next month, it would seem as if he might just actually feel some sort of love for me.
I've no real idea as to what to do here. It'd be nice to have him in my life, but I can't help but think that if he was in my life it'd be an incredibly fake relationship. I can't exactly talk to him without the conversation turning into another yelling session and him threatening to disown me. Maybe it's just time to let go of the possibility of him ever being sincere about us having a real father/daughter relationship and just let him go and not talk to him ever again.
Wow, that last part was completely contradictory to the first part. I apparently have some serious issues XD and I can't believe how long this note has gotten, this is insane. and now I'm just rambling random stuff so I'm going to stop this now.......
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