I'll be as carefree as I want to be, Darling.

I decided to add the darling on the end to make me smile.
I have also decided that these journals are one of my favorite things.
So, I got some responce on the last journal and that made me happy and sad.
I'm sure it's weird to feel both but I do.
I relised I never go after my own happiness.
I do what makes others happy, not what pleases me.
but with my current living situation it falls natuarally to be unhappy anyway.
I got my siblings out of the house for the night and for tonight too.
I'm still staying in my house though, and I couldn't sleep at all last night with all the yelling.
But im sure none of you really need to know that :)
I know, for a fact that my dad is cheeting on my mom, and the "accidents" and "didn't means too" always happened, but the yelling, not so much.
I feel bad because who told my mom my dad was cheeteing?
me. because i thought i was doing the right thing! but I guess i didnt.
instead i ruined my whole family and made everything worse.
The abuse. and the yelling. It's my fault.
Im sure my siblings hate me for messing up there lives.
as the should, because it is my fault
i single handely ruined my family. and possibly my life. and happiness.
FML