The only way i can put this in a story type form =/

I sat in the backseat of the van with my music on my MP3 cranked up as far as it would go. Yet it still wasn't loud enough. I could still hear my thoughts and form the pictures in my mind. I could still bring Alexander's cool and calm face to my mind. Front and center like he usually is.

I couldn't help the feelings i had for him. The tightness in my chest and the inability to speak due to the large lump in my thoat. It was a slight warm/cold feeling in my torso adn i could always sense him in the room or near me.

i pressed my earphones closer and tried to block it all out but, of course, it failed. I was still thinking about everything. Alexander has a girlfriend so he'd never like me. I noticed Alexanders hand move.

A moment's pause just brought more thoughts wirling in my head. I'm not his type. I'm too...ugh...i need to loose weight... i started to shift my weight so i was more away from the window and towards Alexander(I'm so pathetic) Anyway's, he's just a friend. i couldn't even believe my own lie.

Take Me by Papa Roach flooded through my mind as the song played. I silently sang the lyrics but i could still feel the tightness in my chest intensify and the lump i tried to swallow just came back. I tried to relax my body into a slouching position. A sharp pain around my shoulder blade made my face contort momentary as i tensed. I could feel the large knot rubbing agaist my other muscles and bone.

I gave a small sigh and let myself drift into other thoughts wrapped in loud music. i was fully away of how close Alexander was and i was aware of the heat coming off him. Then the thoughts and feeling all came back again. I was getting slightly sad because i was very conscious of how i looked outwardly. After a few moments i just frowned and realized that i didn't care...only when i was by Alexander.

....I'm so pathetic....