Love is hard...... luck has nothing to do with it .....has it not?

i think about her all the time,
we were best friends, we are best friends and we'll always be the best friends ever ............
or will we not?
we never fight, we never debate..... but problems has started to accompany us since the day i've told her that i love her.
i found that i loved her more than anything in the world, i saw that no other girl is worth the love i have than the one girl that i care about, and the one real person that i would die for.
..............
she accepted it and didn't complain, even though she had a boyfriend.
but she told me to try and stop these feelings before i get too obsessed and my life would be so complicated.
continuing our daily lives the way they must be, and living days the way they have to be lived..... i've become more and more obsessed with her; whatever i did was for her, everything i told her was the honest truth and nothing more.
a problem erupted when she told her mom about what i said.... her mom hated me, my best (male) friend hated me and we argued and fought, i hated my life, since she was no more a part of it, or at least she was trying to slip away.
"Mom, He told me that he loves me."
sobbing and crying never stopped, she cried out of hatred for herself.
although she told her mom about that out of hate and the grudge that she held for me..... the only thing that made me pleased was that she was crying when she said it, that way i knew that she HAD some feelings for me, and i hope that she still does.
" i like you more than you could ever imagine." that's what i told her,
but i lied, i loved her with every little piece of my broken heart, and still do even when she tells me that she hates me.
she says that she doesn't care anymore, she tells me that she will forget the "me" in her life,
she says that she hates me. but i doubt it.
.....
three weeks passed........
.....
she is back, telling me that we never had anything going on. we never fought. we are still the same, we just needed sometime.
i was glad to hear it.
she wanted us to be back as friends. emotions must be set on "silent" mode,
i said ok.
and i lied, cuz i loved her ever since then and still do.
i can't forget everything
she never knew, i didn't want to tell her that i love her and i can't do the task she asked me to.
but i was weak enough to accept her the way she wants it.
we're back to singing together: love songs, pain songs, guilt songs, and more.
when she is around me , no one would recognize that i am ME ..... i become a totally different person, i smile, i laugh, and have fun.
but when she is not, the thoughts of her, her boyfriend, the life i am having with her, the days that pass without talking to her, the dreams i built with her, the "her" in my life, and how i am so desperate to have her, all of these things ruin my days and make them darker than black.
......
whenever our eyes meet, i can never take mine away, she dared me twice to beat me:
playing the game of "the first one who winks loses". but she never beat me and never will,
i told her so,
she said i know,
i asked her why?
she said cuz you cry.
the fact that i cry was nothing but true, however she didn't get the point.
her eyes are the main reason why my eyes still see the light.
........
no one would think of helping, cuz i need nothing of no one. i need her to be with me.
for a week, for a day, for an hour, for just a minute to tell me that she loves me, even if she were lying, i just want to hear her voice and her pounding heart while saying it.
i would cry for her, cry to her, cry over her.
and i only wish that she cries over me,
when i am dead.
.........
her name is my alphabet, her tears are my blood,
her laughs are my music, her thoughts are my goal.
my sobs are my habits, my tears are my friends,
my world is my enemy, my life is my death.