Anorexia

I used to have it all and I loved life, family and friends then slowly that changed as I slowly declined. I became depressed and at first comfort ate as a binge eater then I skipped meals surviving on one meal a day which was never over 400 calories. I sometimes ate nothing at all and just drank diet coke and that was it. I was so ill and absorbed in my own head and hunger pangs were something I was proud of.

Not many people are aware that I have a eating disorder...
It is not something I am proud of but I am in active recovery from my lowest weight of just 6 and a half stone. Over the summer I was at my worst, I didn't really see anyone through those months and isolated myself from everyone.

I have been in recovery for just over four months now and I had been struggling alot recently and yesterday without realising it or realising it but not wanted to admit it I don't really know, I restricted...I wish I didn't and all I want to do is to get better, then today it started out positive until I ate more than what I wanted to for breakfast and I freaked. (I downed nearly a whole pack of rich tea biscuits, fruit salad, peanut butter by the spoon and jam and loads of sultanas) I ran upstairs and purged right there and then in the bathroom.

My day to day life consists of a strict routine for recovery, all I do is eat and sleep really.
Relapsed these past few days though. I confessed to my best friend that I was anorexic which took alot I wish I didn't tell her because I don't want to be a worry really.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I have to live with this voice in my head for the rest of my life and I will always be anorexic though the voice may not always be dominent.