This Is For Him.

Him.

The person I hate the most in my life.

The person who I will always love no matter what.

My ex boyfriend.

This one is for him;

Take one last change, and think about what has happened between.
Look back to how everything used to be. We were happy. We were inlove.
Everything happened too fast, that I didn't even see it flash me by.

I want you back more than anything.
My friends tell me to let go, move on, because you weren't worth shit.
You were a jackass.
I'm sorry, but baby you are the fuck up. Not me. You.

Babe, we had everything we ever needed; ever wanted when we were
with eachother. We had eachother, and that's all that mattered to me.
You were my everything, and honest to god i DID NOT want to lose you.
You slipped through my hands, I'm still holding on to false hope that
someday, just someday it will be back to normal again.
You honestly don't know how much you meant to me.

You were everything I could ever ask for. You were the best.
I loved you, no doubt I did. I still do.
It's surprising, that after every little shitty thing you said about me.
I still love you.
I hate you though.
I hate you for making me fall inlove with you.
I hate you for blaming it all on me.
I hate you for everything little lie you said.
I hate you for being a jackass.
I just simply hate you.

What happened to us?
Seriously. What went wrong, all I remember is just fighting for
no reason, and ending it all for no real reason.
We were so good until BAM! It us from out of nowhere.

I want to know what you really thought about everything.
You need to understand, I was so afraid of losing you that I lost
control of everything. I didn't mean to act that way. I'm sorry.

I miss you so much, it hurts.
I miss your touch.
I miss your lips, I want to kiss them again.
I miss falling asleep in your arms.
I miss that little look you'd always give me, knowing that you loved me.
I miss how you would always tickle me. Even if i said to stop, I secretly
loved it.
I miss you saying "Guess what" then surprising me with a kiss or "iloveyou"
I miss how you'd say "good morning beautiful"
I miss our late night phone conversations.
I miss holding your hand.
I miss having our kissing fights.
I miss taking your hat from you, and you picking me up over your shoulder;
trying to get back.
I miss you telling me everything was going to be ohkay, when i was in a bad
mood. You saying that no matter what you were always there for me.
I miss wearing your sweatshirts, and smelling like you.
I miss attempting to tickle you.
I miss trying to win our little "love" fights.
I miss texting you everyday.
I miss our long conversations about everything.
I miss hearing you love me.
I miss hearing your voice.
I miss you.

No matter how much I say I hate you.
I will never be able to forget the fact that I love you with all my heart.
I hope she is what you have ever wanted. Since obviously, to you i was just
another girl; big deal.
You will never know how much this hurts.

"I think the worst thing in the world is loving someone who USED to love you."

I love you Justin.