Y'know? When people say to you, "yeah, well there's kids starving in Africa" or "you're complaining about your parents, well some kids in Haiti don't even have parents anymore". And it's like the bitchiest, most unsympathetic way of trying to make someone cheer up ever.
Yeah, there are kids starving in Africa. There are kids in Haiti without parents, there are kids over here in Britain getting hit by their parent. There are billions of problems across the world. I know that. Do they think I'm stupid? I know I should be more grateful.
But does that stop me feeling angry when my stepmother talks to me as if I'm something to be scraped off of the bottom of her shoe? No. Does it stop me being upset when my bitchy ex-girlfriend spreads rumours about me? No. Does it make my parents' getting divorced any easier to deal with, every weekend when I'm ferried back and forth between houses? No, it doesn't. Does it make me feel better when my phobia of injections is trivialized as just me being difficult? Does it stop me feeling invalidated, when my stepmother and father tell me that what I can feel is just me being "angsty"? No, it really doesn't.
It makes me feel worse, guiltier. Because then not only am I feeling down about whatever it is, but I feel like my emotions are not real. Like they're not allowed. And my emotions make me who I am. If I couldn't feel, I'd be a shell. A robot. So would you. So would anyone.
Just because some people have it worse, doesn't mean the things you feel aren't in fact real and valid emotions.
If and when I have children, remind me to never try and put their problems in "perspective" and make them feel insecure about expressing their emotions at the same time. Obviously I will try to explain to them, but not in the way I was explained to. I was explained to in a way that discouraged me from feeling any negative emotion - sadness, anger, frustration. It doesn't make anyone feel any better.
I'm not denying that people have it worse than I do, of course I'm not. Do they think I'm blind? But what you feel is real. Never allow yourself to be discouraged from feeling. It led me to an inability to express emotion, pretty much at all. Which led me to have to direct all my emotions inwards. Which is not good for anyone.
Peace out.
I feel guilty when people try to put my problems in "perspective".
February 8th, 2010 at 09:59pm