Self despise

I hate myself and my body and who I am, yet how I do not know because I can't even figure out who I am.
I don't want to fight anymore I feel disgusting and hideous. I'm 106-7 lbs of uglyness and that repulses me.

People are noticing I've gained weight which makes me realise that I have and make me freak out even more. I broke down in tears today when my friend told me I looked like I put on a bit of weight. I should be proud at least I think but instead I am ashamed of myself as I feel like I am just getting so fat! Urgh I have to wait until next Friday to see my therapist as well. =S

I hate this!