My worthless feelings

This is just stupid crap so if you don't care don't read.
I don't even know where to begin. Lately I've been so depressed, like more depressed than I already was. I'm so scared that I'm going to start cutting again because of all this stress. I don't know how to handle it all so that doesn't help. I've lost two of my close friends in a day, well more like one close friend and a friend, and I'm scared I'm going to lose all of them. I feel abandoned. I get that I'm not a good friend. I get that I let people down. I don't mean to but for some reason I always do. I wish I could be better. I wish I could just undo everything. My apology: I'm sorry I hurt you. I sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry i made you feel worthless. I'm sorry I didn't pay attention to you. I'm sorry I made you feel like i didn't appreciate everything you did for me. I'm sorry I make everything about me. I'm sorry that I'm a nightmare as a friend. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to make you cry. I'm just sorry. I would do anything to go back in time because I can't live without my best friend.