Really, I'm left speechless after writing this, so no fancy title today

It's amazing to me, how innocent we arrive to this world, and how slowly we become Jaded, innocence is stripped from us, we harden our hearts, we thicken our skins. We do what we must to survive, to carry on. Whether it's for our own sake or for others, we do what we must. I thought it was only myself who did this who began to build walls around herself when I found out not all the world is a Disney movie.

I thought I was the only one who felt so alone.

But today while at Priyanka's I realized I'm not alone in that sense. She showed me her journals. My first thought? Beautiful; all of those journal's absolutely made of beauty, written inside was beauty.

Before that however she told me something...my heart began to pound and I began to tremble inside. I knew then as she avoided my eyes, I knew exactly what she was talking about. She did not say it completely but she didn't have to. It's the same way Randa avoided my gaze, the same why I avoided hers when I told my own story. I hoped to what ever being was out there, that I was wrong. I wished so badly she would simply speak of a boy breaking her heart. But as usual my instinct was correct.

I didn't know what to do. So after she bluntly said it I hugged her.

She then showed me the poems left by the man. They were beautiful, little scrolls wrapped individually by hand made thread, even the paper was hand made. And the way it was torn, I had never seen anything so beautiful. But she didn't see it that way, she only saw it as a horrible reminder of him.

I wanted to hate the paper, I hated the words, hated the way he twisted them to sound lovely and meaningful. But the paper? I couldn't.

Then she showed me a hand made journal, containing the same paper. But he had given it to her. I wanted to read it but she did not want me to. I can respect that. So I didn't.

I told her my own story, and how even though mine was...not as bad as Randa's or her's. That it still left a scar. That I still can not feel comfortable laying in a room when there is only one person in the room. That I can't have people touch my legs with out cringing. We discussed our scars.

We also discussed how we can no longer be hurt by these horrible beings. That it's only paper now, that it won't hurt her. So the first weekend of summer, we're burning the poems, but she is keeping the journal to prove to herself she is not running from him.

Today has made me realize that my friends, how ever many or few they are, mean so much to me. That the few that have remained at my side for so many years will always be here. It made me miss Zach something fierce. And if it took this to realize I don't care what other people think of him, that he IS good for me, that maybe there is hope for us, then so be it.

Randa, Priyanka and myself are the bravest girls I've met in my life. Yes, I count myself because I know I'm brave. I stopped my monster before it was too late. I am not calling them cowards for not. No. How could I? They are strong for refusing to let this keep them down.

You know, we really could conquer the world if we wanted.