I don't want to die, but living isn't really on my to-do list lately.
Would anyone understand that if I told them? Would they just roll their eyes and tell me to get over it, like I've heard times and times before? Or would they stay and listen, only to give some shallow advice I've heard again and again, never making an impact of difference on me either. They say we're not alone, but I beg to differ.
I feel alone again. Completely and utterly alone. I feel no one will acknowledge my pain because they're never going to understand it.
I've gone through this before. Only that time I had someone to travel down this path with me. I know that helped at least a little bit, before all the drama occurred. But now I have no one. Now I have a world to hold on my own, a life to drag myself through by myself. I know I have people who care, people who want to understand but they don't.
I need someone to talk to, someone who will understand.
And how stereotypical am I, thinking to myself "this is how I'm feeling, I should try posting it on Mibba" my thinking isn't to offend, but to realize that there are people on here willing to help, maybe.
Or maybe you'll prove me wrong, I don't know.
I have such a basically good life. Moreorless. nothing traumatic. nothing terrible. Some drama and some pain, but other than that I should be fine. Why am I so upset? Why is this taking over my life? Why do I want to hate and let people hate me rather than love and letting people love me?
I'm so full of contradictions, I can't stand it. Please, please, tell me someone feels like this. Please tell me I'm not alone. And please tell me how I can fix this.
I'm searching for No One.
love,
k.
I'm searching for No One.
February 24th, 2010 at 12:07am