Completely Invisible.

While I'm sitting here watching American Idol (family favorite) I'm thinking about how frustrated I am right now, that and feeling completely empty inside. It has something to do with my ex, obviously I left the guy after seventh months and I hate losing people but it had to happen. Its not only because of boy issues (because I understand how people looooovveeee to try and get on someone for complaining about boy issues) it also has to deal with my friends.

Sometimes I wonder if I should even consider them acquaintances instead of friends because I'm a shadow to them. A last resort? Yes. I get the whole high school separation, bonding with other people but when it gets to the point that they only talk to me when none of their other friends aren't there. I'm even ditched for the boyfriend. Should I be hurt? I don't really know because I'm a very sensitive person sometimes, but even when I tried to talk to them it was okay for a day before they forgot about me again.

Plus, when they finally see me (even if I'm right in front of their faces) they'll ask, "How come we don't hang out anymore?"

I want to respond by saying, "I don't know, maybe because you don't care anymore."

Instead I just shrug and stand there wishing things were a little bit different. With the depression I'm dealing with right now I can't bother trying to chase after my friend's ankles like a starving dog so I'm basically completely avoiding them now. I have no friends...

None.

And for some reason that just seems impossible but I realize it's not. I have no one to turn to and say, "I think I need help. I'm so sad I can barely lift myself to get up in the morning."

I can't trust them or rely on them like I use to, and even when I tried to branch out and make new friends they don't want to leave their tight knit group so I'm passed by, completely invisible.

Maybe there's something wrong with me?