2-24-10

Yesterday my BEST FRIEND started going out with her ex again. I was really mad at her for doing this knowing he doesnt love her and all hes going to be doing is flirting with other girls. She doesnt get it. I went up to him and told him to stay the hell way from my BEST FRIEND, that she deserves better than him. When I told him that hes all like " Ok im done. Im going to end this for reals now." Then today I found out he didnt do anything that they are still together. I told her during break that im just going to stop messing with him and just leave them alone. I told her that if she wants to go out with him then im not gonna say anything nd if he breaks her heart again then ill be there for her. The only thing that worries me is that she usually comes back to school with red marks nd cuts on her hands or wrists. I really want her to stop. The thing is im doing it too nd I feel like a hypocrite telling her to stop nd while im still doing it. Today I even cutt myself. I feel like a slave at my house. Like everyone is telling me what to do and if I dont do it then I get grounded. Its really unfair to me. So I ran into the bathroom and got a safety pin, stuck it to my stomach and I cutt. I feel reliefed like I could just stop the pain with it. I rather feel physical pain than the emotional pain but I just want to stop cutting and actually be happy not depressed. I dont want to have a fake smile plastered to my face. =(