My youngest one is in bed, finally

It's a Friday night, the oldest is sitting on the couch with some Ni-Hao Kai Lan playing (which is actaually teaching him Chinese, and he's three 0_o). I'm putting off practicing, doing homework, and sleeping. Why? I don't know.

I guess I want to get out here how... how much I've been taking myself for granted, really. I'm about to graduate high school, with plans to go onto college for Audio Production to become a producer. Can you say, "me time" for the win? Fucking finally.

I really don't know how to say no. I've always known this. I do everything for everyone- I drive my peers everywhere, I do peoples' homework for them, I do peoples' online classes for them, I edit peoples' papers for them. I'm the Historian of the orchestra council, and the principal viola player in Symphony. Notice how I said 'peers', rather than 'friends'? That's because I have no friends at that god-forsaken school in this god-forsaken town. I have plenty of Mibba and Twitter online friends, which I love. I just generally hate people. There's another FTW for you- misanthropy!

And you know what? My counsellor has tried to convince me with every fiber of her being to NOT pursue music production. "According to the statistics," she says, "Women do not make music producers because of the time commitment. Most women feel that being married with a family is more important."

Okay, bitch, what part of "I don't give a shit about getting married" do you not understand? I'm not "most women". I'm not a feminist by any means, but at the same time, who the fuck says I'm going to fail at becoming a producer just because I lack testicles?

I'm fully aware that being a music producer is difficult. The course in the college I'm attending alone requires at least a B, or you're taking the classes over. With good reason, mind you; when you're in the studio, you're going to forget what sunlight and downtime look like. Good. That, bitch counselor, is what I need. I need to do work for myself. I've been walked upon (my own fault, I know) for years now. It's about damn time I start doing the walking.

Does anybody (assuming you've actually made it this far in my whiney, misanthropic rant) else feel this way? Do you guys have problems saying no to people?

I honestly think it's the case for me because I just don't care whether doing someone's work for them is 'wrong' or not. It keeps me busy, it keeps them from bitching, and it keeps me distracted. I don't fucking know, though. All I know is that in less than a semester, my life is going to finally start.