2-26-10

today is Friday. I have been talking to my friend Katelyn for the past hour. I just found out she went to the movies alone with her boyfriend Jose. She told me that while she was there she got a hickey from her boyfriend. Oh My God i freaked out. I told her that she needs to be careful because then he will pressure her into having sex with him. She said she was not stupid and she knows how to take care of herself. I told her that is what i used to say. But now I'm having sex with a guy that I'm not going out with and I'm just scared she will do the same things I did even though shes older. I mean come on she is 2 months older than me and I'm just 13. Anyways I think i really do need help. The guy I'm having sex with said he was going to his girlfriends house and i just walked to my room and started crying my eyes out. I got this thing out of my backpack that I stole from science and I put it next to my breast and cut several times untill i actually stopped crying. Im just scared that my parents are gonna find out about what I'm doing and I am just gonna get in trouble and I will get beat and grounded. My mom was sexually abused when she was my age and she said that she felt like she wasn't pretty because in Mexico when she my age virginity was everything. That if u were not a virgin then u have nothing to give to a man. She told me that she tried killing herself too but that she found god in the christian church. I think that that's where I got being suicidal because when I was in 2nd grade I tried killing myself in class. That's not good especially from a little girl so I really do want help but I don't trust anyone except my BEST FRIEND Katelyn.