All because I fell in love

I once had this clear view of what I was looking for. True love. Or if true love really existed. But like most things people believe in, it went as swiftly as it came.

I was certain I was in true love with him. He just seemed perfect. He barely had to say a word to make me smile. Then there was his smile, that would make a dead heart start beating. His eyes were such a beautiful almost teal ish color, I loved looking straight into them. He was a foot or so taller then me but when he held me, it was like our bodies were the missing puzzles pieces to each others lives. He was my opposite, but we had such a deep connection. We promised each other we would always be together, we would never love another, we couldn't live without each other. Then he gave me a promise, he swore would make us stronger.

A few weeks later.. It changed. He went to his moms more without me, he wouldn't reply to my texts or phone calls. Would next to never say I love you and I miss you. Until on that one Friday. I knew this was coming for a while but I didn't want to accept the fact that he no longer loved me. That the promise he had made me was a lie. All a lie. He may have loved me, But it wasn't true love.

It was so bad, It hurt when I would cry. My cheeks had dried out so bad from my tears.
( I live mostly by myself, parents always gone, just me and him.) Then he was gone. Thats when I realized the silence was very loud. Almost like screams in the back of my mind. I thought about pleading insane. But the doctors just said it was depression.
As I write this I feel the pain.
Almost like my heart was slowly splitting and was killing me slowly and very painfully, thats was triggers my tears, then I picture how hard it would be to do this all myself. Completely and totally alone.

Do you know how much it hurts to be alone on valentines day? My own mother couldn't be bothered to ask me if I was ok. Needed someone to talk to. She just cared about how she felt. I kept saying to myself, "All you need is a sturdy rope, and with one jump, you can be asleep forever and never have to try and fall for someone ever again." Why would I want to?
I was in love with this guy and all I thought was true and good, was a fake. I never wanted to try and find someone else because I was always scared that he may not want to be with me. Because everything actually worth having always costs a lot of money.

Id like to believe I was once a happier person. But deep down, Ive always been cold, bitter and alone. I just never knew why. But I do now.

Because this world is just on big immoral toilet bowl and one day we shall all be flushed.

I don't talk to him anymore, He tries. But he only wants me when he cant have me.
And I will not stand for him using me ever again.
And this is all because I fell in love. Probably the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. It ruined my life.