Broken Crush

When I was in 7Th grade (I am in 8Th now and only have 3 more months of school left of Hell aka my new school) I met Jordan Elliot, who was a friend of my friend Caitlin Ashton. He would flirt with us and steal our flip flops and we would chase him down the hall and all that good stuff.
Over the summer I called Jordan and asked if he wanted to go to the park and I would meet him there.
He agreed and i walked over to the park that was in back of my house.
He never did stay long, we just talked about the stupid couples at Heritage Middle School, then he left like always.
Then one day in September of 2010 Jordan called me and told me to go to the park so I did.
Jordan was there but also this new Asian guy named John.
At first I didn't like John but grew to like him over many days of Jordan, John and I hanging out at the park.

Some days on the bus I would sit by them and talk about how much we hated some teachers at our school. Jordan would say that all the teachers liked him; he was their favorite student. I didn't believe it because Jordan was the dare-devil, jock, that used (and still does) bad language, and not to mention he was a bit rude.

Sadly, I transfured to Lowell Scott Middle school and had to leave my friends behind. I hate it there and often call it Hell, because thats what it was (to me).

Anyway, I grew to like John, in January of 2010. I don't know how to explain it because it wasn't really ME who liked him it was (as stupid as this sounds) my heart.
Sure, I liked Jordan for a bit and my heart lurched every time I thought about him or even saw him but it wasn't like the love I felt for John.

I told my best friend Samantha Stoldt about me loving John... and that it was involuntarily. I couldn't help loving him... it wasn't ME who actually was loving him... I texted her saying: 'haha no it couldn't beat my sexy Asian! haha no joking haha'
Well, she didn't get the joke. She told Jordan and John about it and even showed them the texts.

( A COUPLE DAYS AGO) I walked over to the park like always when I saw this new kid wearing green next to Jordan. I had brought my golden retriever named Tucker because well... I felt like it I guess.
Anyway Jordan introduced me to Christopher, and told me he was new at Heritage. At first I didn't like Christopher either but I also grew to like him.

(TODAY:) John even told me he didn't like him at first and was determined to kick his ass, but found out he had befriended Jordan.
When I walked to the park I saw Jordan and John sitting at the blue tables in the sun. I had brought Tucker along with me, just for fun.
As I neared the table John was like "So you like me huh? Sam showed me the texts."
My heart was full of so much anger I could scream, but I remained calm.
I had to cover this. "We were joking around." I had replied.
"Heh, Hot Asian? Really Dakota? haha wow..." John had said, smiling at me. "I have a girl friend ya' know."
I nodded. "Yup."
Jordan wanted to see my phone so I gave it to him.
Christopher came over to us on roller-skates and had his chocolate brown boxer with him... or at least it looked like a boxer...
He had ran into the grass when trying to stop and we laughed at him.
Jordan was playing games on my phone. Heh, wow!
John was calling his parent and was talking in Asian to them, it was so random I started to laugh!
Jordan had a doctor appointment so had to leave the park so left, but first gave me back my phone.
I found out Christophers dog was named Tucker also (creepy!!!).
Christopher had to leave for some reason, and had taken his dog with him.
So it was just John and me left.
We were sitting about a persons (butt) length apart and were silent.
"Well, I'm gonna go home..." John said and got up.
I followed his movements. "Yeah me too. I've got to take Tucker back."
We walked through the walk-way between his house and one of my neighbors house (who goes to my church), then split at the sidewalk. He went to his house and I went to mine.

When I was walking I randomly began to talk to my dog.
"UGH! I can't believe Sam would do that, Tuck!" I whisper-yelled.
Of course he didn't reply but did look at me like: "What the fuck?!"
I couldn't belive my BEST friend would go and tell John I liked him... and I kind of don't...
I am now typing this wondering if I'm going crazy.
I hope I'm not.

-Sorry if this sucked It's my first time doing a Journal SORRY if it's too long but any tips of what I should do?... I mean with liking John? Heh I'm up to the point where I want to die haha but yeah please comment! :)