I must be the worst friend ever.

Like, for real. How else would you explain the fact that twice in my life I've lost people that I've trusted, without knowing why.

It happened again today. I have no idea why, but this time, it wasn't just one friend. I have been told that I am not to come anywhere near her OR anyone she hangs with. So that means that basically my whole social network here is gone.

In the text her brother sent me it pretty much said that I was worthless, pathetic, ugly and that no one liked me. It's kind of funny that it din't effect me as much as I thought words like that would effect me..

And I also got a text from another friend who said that she didn't wanted to speak to me either. So I told her, fine, I don't care. And then she called me pathetic.

So yeah, I am that type of girl who tries her hardest to make everyone happy, but it just ends up with everyone hating her.

But this time, I will make it through. I will not break down like I did last time. I will stand tall, stand above them all. I know I'm not gonna miss them all too much to be honnest. Both of them has changed lately, dramatically, and not in a good way.

Sure, they were good friends, but lately I haven't been feeling so well, but all they did was nag on me for not being social and going on and on about how bad they were feeling and such. As soon as I would say that I wan't feeling well, they got an attitude towards me.

At first I thought it was because I had changed, but now I realize that I am the only one who's stayed the same. I don't know if it's a good thing or not though. That I've stayed the same while everyone around me changed, I mean..

Maybe this whole situation is my fault, really. It's my fault for not being able to pretend that I was fine better, for not being able to plaster a fake smile on my face every day.
But I am only human, I can only pretend for so long.

I am.. I don't know how to feel really.. I mean, I won't miss them, at least not the way they've been acting the last couple of months, but every one else.. It's those people I will miss..
But then again, if the two girls get to the others they just might make them hate me as well.. That's always where it end up in the end.

I'm just sick of always finding THOSE kind of people, the kind you think you can trust, but it turns out that they will (try to) crush you compleatly once you actually trust them with your life..

Sorry, long rant.. I will go out now, have a smoke.. Then I'll probibly go to sleep or somethin..