This is a curse!

I just want to feel okay. I just want to end this torture. I wish I could stay in the rain until it carries me away with the clouds. This seems endless. Everything I picture seems to damage my heart and reduce my will to live even more. I wish I could escape from reality, scream at the stars, and have God take my soul.
I feel foolish and ridiculous for reminding myself of Bella from Twilight and her emotions when Edward abandoned her. I hate novels that end tragically, but it can only leaves me breathless. The unspoken possibilities of a different world reminds me that I can never go back.
My life has been alternated into a nightmare and it still continues to change every day.
My family and I don't speak to each other anymore, I refuse to spend time with any friends (if I had any left), I don't expose myself to sunlight unless I have the eager to do something reckless, and I starve myself before I eat.
I want to get out of California. I want to live somewhere that no one ever visits. I want to be placed in a deserted planet, where I can finally lose my sanity.
Is this healthy? No. Am I insane? Possibly. I'm barely breathing as I'm lying on the floor. Someone take my heart because I don't need it anymore.
I'm trying to lose my license for some reason. Maybe it's because I barely drive and just use a board to get around this idiotic town. I wonder why I continue to put up with their complaints about everything. I know one thing: I would certainly hate to be the manager of any apartment business. I would not be able to stand all the whining and crying about nonsense. Damn people, why do you always have to complain? That's what irritates me the most about people; they just don't know when to quit.
In other news, I might even move out of this place and live in a box. You're probably wondering to yourself if my life is moving south. Well, it doesn't really matter if it is or not. At least I don't stress about work or what I need to do in life. Hell, people always tell me to grow up and get an education. "BECAUSE WITHOUT AN EDUCATION, YOU WILL GO NOWHERE." I agree, education is very valuable and most people in the 19th century were eager to receive it, but this is a new era and nothing matters but sex, drugs, and music.
Where will we be today if none of those things existed? We would probably end in an asylum.
I think I've changed in the last couple of months. I believe that I became more angry with myself and the world than I used to be. I became an ass.
I can honestly tell you that I don't talk as much as I used to, I painted my body to disinterest adults and possibly scare little children, I don't think I can ever be committed to anyone again nor would I like to have any children of my own to take care of, and I personally don't like most people.
Anyway, I'm not encouraging people to drop out and live in the street like I seem to be doing. I am simply trying to understand how life is created, who I will be in the next few months or so, and maybe lose myself until then. In the mean time, I am just going to continue writing until my knuckles bleed or until you get tired of me.
God, I fucking need help.