invisible and alone

I spent most of my life avoiding people. Avoiding making connections as much as possible.

The lesser people in your heart, the lesser chance of getting hurt.

RIGHT?

The people that deserve a place in my heart are people I trust with my life. So they won't hurt me.

RIGHT?

First, my boyfriend dumps me then gets engaged.

But I got over that.

Then my parents accuse me of stealing and plan on sending me to juvie or rehab.

But that's all cleared up.

Then graduation comes over and I hate goodbyes.

My friends are all leaving for somewhere else while I stay here.

But I've accepted that a long time ago.

Now, it seems like I'm getting hurt because I feel alone.

Almost like everyone else that I cared about has forgotten that I exist.

For example, my friend Eri is supposed to join me next Monday in celebrating.

She's leaving for Japan the week after that so this was our last time to meet.

But she seems to have forgotten because she ends up planning a sleep over on the same night with another group of hers.

Doesn't that just sound great?!

And my dad...

he knows I just got over my cutting habit and now he goes all ruining my happy moments because he's too lazy to get off the bed?

And then when people arrive, he puts on a mask and laughs at me for not knowing how to turn a damn stove on????

then when people leave he gets all pissy again???

that's just great...

And tomorrow, my sister will be arriving from her tour.

And it's back to me being ignored.

Back to being a ghost.

INVISIBLE AND ALONE.