Together we stand, I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand

In regards to my last journal, I thank you all for your responses. You all helped restore my faith in younger generation. Oh an update on what has happened with the boy I know (note the know not knew) as much as I'd love to say it was for attention I can't. The police found him passed out in a train tunnel about 10minutes before the scheduled train was supposed to go through, 10minutes later and he would be gone now, never to get a second chance at life. He is currently at a center getting the help he needs. I was so relieved when I found out, and it makes me realise how much it truely would've hurt my friends and family if my previous attempts throughout the years had worked. I guess you can say it's opened my eyes to how much one person can self destruct, and how it can effect everyone around. Now I know I'm getting better and I haven't self-harmed as such for around 6 months or so, I know I need to get on top of my eating habits, but at least I've confinded in the few people I feel I can trust in person.

It's all well and good to have some stranger on the internet saying that you're not fat, and that you're beautiful, but those people don't know you and have never seen you apart from in pictures if that. At least with my friends they will never just say I'm beautiful, or skinny instead they tell me that my hair is looking lovely, or that they like my outfit or my makeup is amazing. That to me builds up my self image of myself more than being told I'm beautiful and skinny, because those are things I just can't accept and convince myself they're lying whereas with smaller things I can look in the mirror and believe it especially if it isn't directly related to body shape or size. I like going out now, I enjoy going to the bars and clubs and dances and having guys come talk to me and look interested and want to dance or talk with me. However I know there's still a long way to go before I can even begin to claim I'm fixed well and truely currently I am at the stage where I am able to admit that I have a problem, and begin to fix it. I know I will relapse at some point, if I don't it will be very unusual for this sort of issue. All I have to do is surround myself with postive friends and family, and not get into a destructive environment

It's time for a new start
It's time for a new me
I can be whatever I want
I just have to believe in me
Even if believing seems like dreaming
I must believe my dreams can be reality

Much Love,
Kimi

R.I.P. Nan, Tenga and Granddad, you are forever imprinted on our hearts and in our minds ??