Empty

I'm not sure how to really start this one off. All I know is how I feel. I feel empty (hence the title), I should be happy. Although I'm not. I keep having this nightmare where I smash my hand threw a window or a mirror. And I'm rushed to the hospital and all I hear the doctor saying is that I'm broken and I hear my heart monitor die and then I wake up. I don't understand the point of it however I really want it to stop.
On top of it my friend who is a recovering alcoholic took a drink today. I was really looking forward to him working on his drinking.
And April 14th will be the day three years ago that I lost my best friend.
However I have a wonderful, fantastic boy friend and a great best friend so why do I feel so empty?