God, I miss you, April. I know I'm one day early, but happy fuckin' birthday. It would have been your Sweet 16. I was totally lookin' forward to annoying the fuck outta you by singing the theme song to the lame-ass MTV corporate sell-out show of the same name. I'm not even gonna bother to ask why it had to happen to you. Why not just me instead. I know there's no one or nothing up there that gives me an answer. It never gives me answers.
Never gave me answers for my dad, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and baby brother. I figure a 'why' isn't going to be given to me now. I can't sleep. I can't get my stomach to settle down. I can't keep the hot tears from brimming my burning, bloodshot eyes. I'm exhausted. The headaches just gets worse and worse and my heart's going into overdrive when suddenly it feels like it's not there at all. What the hell am I supposed to do? You're not here anymore.
I don't think I can stand another funeral. All the open caskets haunt me. It wouldn't be the same seeing you like that. I want to remember you as you were. So happy and full of life; nothing but smiles. Can't believe you're not here anymore. It tears me apart.
It just makes me wonder... what's next? The possibilities scare me shitless.
I love you, April. You'll always be in my heart forever.
P.S.: There's this really crazy guy named Jimmy somewhere up there... Find him and a grin will never leave your face. He'll keep that beautiful smile of yours always lit.