Day For Change.

First off, to anyone about to read this, it is a journal entry. It is emotional, sad, and to me, it is inspiring. This is what happened at school today:

We all filed into the gym, only to see a bunch of chairs set up in a giant circle. We chose our seats and waited awkwardly for this "Day For Change" to begin. Twenty or so Peers, kids who solve problems and such between students, were walking around, greeting people, making sure we sit with people we normally wouldn't. None of us knew what to expect. Of course we all knew that there would be crying and the sharing of our feelings. But it wasn't cheesy or stupid or pointless.
We were assigned into groups, about fifteen or twelve people each. My cousin Joe, a senior, was in my group with his girlfriend Alexis, a junior. I'm not going to lie--it was a bit awkward having Joe in this big group, even though we just played games, like...find someone with the same eye color as you and tell them your birthday. Or...find someone your height and tell them your favorite movie or find someone with the same kind of shoes as you and tell them your middle name. It was a lot of fun.
Then we were separated into our small groups. There were six people in mine; me, a girl Antonia and a guy Matt, two older peers who helped run the DFC and a teacher. Most of the groups were much bigger, but it was cool to have a smaller group. We talked a little bit and each said three things like, "If you really knew me you would know..." and each time it got a little more deep, and more personal.

The next part of the day was the hardest for me, and for most of the others. The teacher who ran the whole program, Ms. Goodwill (that is her real name), would say, "If this applies to you, cross the line." We would cross the gym and go behind a second line, face our classmates on the other side, then walk back. Some of it was really hard stuff, like, "If you have ever been abused mentally, physically, or sexually by someone who said I Love You, then cross." There was a lot of things that applied to me, and whenever I would cross with Alexis, I would look to usually see Joe on the other side. He would see me, then look away.
After one particularly painful statement, I think it was the one above, Alexis started crying harder and told me Joe was crying.
Joe does not cry. He has cried three times in the past six years--at his grandfathers funeral, at his Day For Change, and now, at my Day For Change. He saw Alexis and me crossing the line over and over and started to cry. This is one of the three things that, out of everything, almost made me cry.
Joe has hugged me once ever before this. We are close, I suppose, and I consider him practically my older brother. He's a pain a lot of the time, but in all honesty, I love him. Of course I do.
There was a statement about knowing someone with mental illness, and Joe and I both crossed the line. I never knew that he had known someone who had one, but he was crying, and his jaw was quivering and at that moment I didn't even think, I just walked over to him and hugged him. He immediately hugged me back when he saw who I was, and we just stood there for a minute, tears falling down his face. I never got how much he really cared about me, I guess, but I knew he did when he was hugging me sooo tightly, and when he let go and looked at me with those red and puffy eyes.
Another person who really affected me was this guy Luke. He is a big kinda guy, who plays football and loves music like I do. He crossed the line quite a few times, and I would always look at him and feel so awful because he really is a great, sweet person. It really hit me when there was a statement about the guys being not good enough. He crossed and I just...I don't know. I wanted to hug him more than anything.

After the line thing, we were getting back into our smaller groups. As I got my chair, I felt an arm around my shoulders, and Joe pulled me into another really big hug. I had been nervous about this whole thing, and as he hugged me he said, "Still scared?"
Even as I smiled at him, I nodded. He finally let go, and we went to our little groups to discuss the whole line thing.

Then came the second hardest part. People were asked to come to the front of the gym and, in front of the gym, apologize to someone, or thank someone, or say something about what they've done, what they want to do, or something similar.
One of the first people to go up was my friend Rachael. She is one of the greatest people I have ever known, and even when I don;t always like her, I love her. Well, she got up there second or third and called me and three of our other friends up. She couldn't even finish and she was in tears. She thanked us for everything we have done for her, and I hugged her soooo hard. It just made me realize that I do help people.

Another person who had a big effect on me was Cameron. He is so nice and funny and sweet, and he always ALWAYS makes me laugh. Cam got up there and called this kid John-Henry. I guess they had been friends since second grade, and grew apart during middle school. At the end, Cam started to cry, and I almost did, too. Whenever I see him all sad, I want to make it better, because he is the kind of kid you never want to feel pain because he is just so...not innocent, but so good at making people around him feel better.

So I went up to say something. When it was my turn, I looked at Alexis, who looked like she was praying and ready to bawl, then looked at my cousin, "Joe."
There was a lot of aw-ing from people. They had seen us in the hall, seen Joe be nice to me and harass me, and everyone (not exaggerating) loves Joe.
As soon as he was in front of me, he started to get teary again, and his jaw shook.
As soon as I saw his face I said, "Please, don't cry! You're gonna make me cry!" and a few people, including Joe, chuckled.
I said something like,

"I never really knew you until I moved here, and until then I thought you were the biggest jerk. You never talked to anybody. But after I came here, you were nice and you told me who to avoid, who to be friends with, and which teachers were great and everything. You helped me so much, you don't even know. Even though you can be a huge pain sometimes," here, a lot of people laughed, "I really love when we get to talk. Like last night when we talked for two hours. It just makes my day, and I don't think I've ever told you that before."

By this time, he was bawling. So he hugged me again after I spoke and he said, really quiet, "Makes my day too, kid." And I could hear him sniffling when he was hugging me and then we let go and went back to our seats.

Then we did one last thing--we painted the lion. There is a lion statue in front of our school and we spray painted it all four class colors: green for seniors, red for juniors, yellow for sophomores, and orange for us, the freshmen.
While a few kids were doing that, Cam came over and said, "Hey, Alanna, I forgot to say thanks. You're a really great friend." And then he hugged me, "You're always so much fun in Bio, so thanks."
I love Cam, he is just the sweetest thing ever, and he was sad for a few days last week, and so I tried to make him feel better, because he always makes me feel better and he doesn't even know it.

As we were walking back up to the school Joe comes over and slings an arm around me and one around Alexis screaming, "HI GUYS!" and beaming like an idiot.

After that, so many people said how cute it was that I got up there and thanked Joe, and Alexis admitted that it made her cry so bad.

This whole day was just awesome. It was so much fun, and I have learned a lot about the people I see every day. I learned the most about my cousin though, and I'm just glad to know that he knows I care...and now I know he cares, too.

Thanks for reading this, if you made it all the way. :)
I just had to put this down somewhere so I remember how amazing and nice and caring some people are. Maybe the human race isn't so badly screwed after all.