Michael Jackson.

Today I decided to write about Michael Jackson. How I feel about his death, his music, and what he's gone through. This is the first time I speak about any of this since he has died. I'm still not over his death it's taking longer then I expected to get rid of the sadness. So here's a little inside on my past and how Michael was involved.

I'll never forget the day I saw Moonwalker for the first time. It was on my 2nd birthday and my dad had it for VCR. It was on the Smooth Criminal part. I saw Michael and I couldn't help but to be jealous of him. He got my dads full attention so I got up and tried to dance like him. It was impossible especially being 2 and having wobbly legs. I saw him spin. I then knew he was special. I thought if I can't spin like that then he's got to be something special. My mom had video taped me that day. I looked so retarded trying to dance like him. It was incredible how I thought I could out dance him. Unfortunately My dad lost Moonwalker when we moved. From then on Michael never left my mind.

When I was 5 I had the Thriller album cover poster hanging in my room. I believe I cried that day so my mom would buy it for me. Its still on my wall. Its a bit ripped but it was my first ever MJ poster and I'm keeping it for as long as I can. I remember that I'd get angry if anybody touched it. It got to the point where I'd tell my family that he was my husband and that they're not allowed to touch him. Oh man I was so in love with Michael it wasn't even funny.

I was heart broken every single time I saw pictures of him holding hands with other women. To this day when I see old pictures of him and Lisa it still breaks my heart. What I would do just for a hug from him.I'm 14 now and I'm still in love with the guy.

I didn't care about how many nose jobs he got. I didn't make fun of his vitiligo. I didn't turn my back on him when they accused him of molestation. I didn't listen to all the bullshit lies the media came up with.

I believe most people make fun of him without knowing about his past. I look up to Michael, not only because of his singing, dancing, and his huge heart, but because he put up with everybody's shit. I don't know how he did it but he did. To me he never gave up.

Unlike me I was ready to give up on life until I remembered Michael. If he can put up with other peoples crap for so long then so can I. I've valued life so much more thanks to Michael.

In a way me and Michael are somewhat alike. We were always the center of a joke. I realized that It's NOT okay to judge people or make fun of them. It's just not. Like Michael says,

"Before you judge me, try hard to love me."

If I had one chance to tell Michael anything I'd thank him for giving me an inspiration to dance and be a better person I'd also tell him how he saved my life and that I love him so much.

My only dream was to dance with him on stage. That's all I ever wanted.

June 26th, 2009.

One of the worst days of my life.

My dreams of one day dancing for him were crushed. (The dancers that got to be with him were lucky.)

I was out watching Transformers and my parents came to pick me up after. I got in the car and the radio was playing I was so angry at what I heard. I still remember what the guy said

"...Jacko is dead!"

Seriously?! He's dead and that guy is calling him Jacko? I was so pissed off I couldn't even cry.My first thought when I got home was "Calm down they probably meant his music is dead not him."

I calmed down a bit and decided to watch TV. Every channel I changed it to there was images of Michael. The news would play the recording of the call made to 911. I was blank. I never expected my hero to just...die. I was so excited about his tour. I thought wow he's gonna make it to the top again. i couldn't believe he was gone. I wasn't going to believe it. I mean Heroes don't die right?

It wasn't until I turned the TV on a couple days later and I saw usher singing Gone Too Soon. It was pretty good. I then saw what was playing behind Usher. Images of Michael. His smile so big it made me light up. I then believed Michael was alive and that they were airing a new concert of his on TV. That all changed when I watched Usher walk off the stage. The camera followed him as his hand touched a gold casket and sang the last part "Gone Too Soon."

In the first row of people I saw Janet, the kids, and the rest of his family. All wearing black. It finally sank into me that he was dead. Gone. How could that have happened to someone like him.

I still cry at the thought of him being gone. I can't help it though. Michael will always have a special place in my heart no matter what. He's gone but never forgotten.

R.I.P. Michael you are finally in a better place.