Sometimes I really hate my boyfriend and I'm starting to wonder why me and him are even together. I guess if I'm having thoughts like that then maybe I should just break it off with him. I don't know. I love him, I do but he just treats me like shit sometimes and I find myself doubting whether or not he still likes me.
We've been going out now for ten months, we've known each other just over a year. He's my best friend as well as my boyfriend and I find it really horrible when he keeps secrets from me or when he lies to me. I actually feel physically hurt when he lies to me. I don't want to tell you what he lied to me about, but yeah.
He's always so secretive about everything. It's starting to piss me off.
Me and him had an argument yesterday over something stupid I had jumped to an irrational conclusion of something and angrily told him that I didn't want to be with him and that it was over. I wasn't meant to say that, I was meant to say that if he didn't sort things out and start treating me decently then me and him will have to break up. He always tells me that I'm ruining things for him and stuff and that I'm the one that destroys the relationship with my anger, but I get angry over him doing stupid stuff.
He asked me to loose contact with a family friend 'cause the guy said that he liked me, and 'cause it was causing pressures on mine and Ryan's relationship I did. I asked him to delete his ex from Facebook and his phone and stuff and he wouldn't do it, but she was causing issues with mine and his relationship, he didn't even care. I don't think he does. Nothing happened between Steven and I, Steven has a girlfriend who also didn't like me, but that was his fault. Then I find out that his ex has been sending him texts saying that she loves him and she wants to see him, ten months after they have split up. He didn't tell her to stop, he said it was my fault 'cause I was always having a go at him and all this and that he liked getting nice texts. It really hurt me. I really hate the fact that because of me being a bitch I pushed the closest person to me away like that. But then he should have realised that it was wrong. He told me that he wasn't jealous of the Steven thing it was just a matter of respect 'cause he didn't want guys telling me that they liked me and shit. I'm sorry but I have to put up with some ugly bimbo posting messages on his Facebook wall for everyone to see "Where have you been, miss you! xxxxxxx", "When you get some credit make sure you send me some nice texts... xxxxxx" I don't like girls doing that, it makes me look like a twat so I had a go at him about it "She's just a friend", so is Steven!! But like he said it's a matter of respect.
I think that me and him should probably go on a break, but what good will it do. We argue more when we don't see each other.
He called me yesterday at 3pm, it got to 7.30pm and he still hadn't called, so I called him and he asked what was up. I'm sorry if I haven't spoken to my boyfriend for 28 hours and wanted to. He didn't call so I called, I was resisting the urge to call him all day 'till I was finally like, fuck it why am I bothered about not speaking to him? I'm only going to get grief. So I called him trying to be nice, asked why he didn't call, he told me he'd been out all night and was busy in the day and then had to go to Mass 'cause it's Good Friday. Okay fair enough...but somewhere in between there a five minute phone call would have been nice. Anyway then when I said that he (I heard him) gritted his teeth and started getting all annoyed with me. I didn't do anything wrong. I asked what was up and he said that he was in a bad mood, so I told him that there was no need to take it out on and he said he'd call me later 'cause he has a hangover and wants to sleep. Hmm..
Whatever.
I can't stand his shit any more. Part of me wants to say "Fuck you! Here's your stuff, thanks for everything...Bye" and another part of me wants to stay and work things through. I know I'm the one with the main problem.
Maybe I'm just a shit girlfriend to be honest.
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