And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind. I can't say no to you. I can't let go of this dream

My oh my, easter weekend already. This year is going far too fast for my liking, I have so much I wnat to do, need to do before summer comes again.

Over the last few days I've eaten far too much junk food, but I suppose that comes with being socialable. I have also decided to try vegetarianism again, I used to be a vegetarian by choice when I was younger, but due to the fact my body seems to have a huge aversion to iron tablets/supplements I had to stop because it just wasn't healthy for me. Even now that I'm older it may not work out for me, as my iron levels are naturally too low even with eating red meat... But I shall trial it for a month and see how my body reacts.

I am also looking into a place to skate, just because I am missing it so much and feel like I just shouldn't throw away the years of hard work and training I've put into it over the past 11 or so years, it just feels like a waste. While I'm looking into it I was going to go running every night until I realised I no longer have running shorts, thanks to my cousins deciding I didn't need them last time they were house sitting for us. Those kids frustrate me so much, I hate how their mother doesn't discipline them for anything, no matter what it is.

My birthday party is in two weeks, I guess I'm enthused about it, nowhere near as much as any of my friends however. It is going to be an 'Anything Disney' theme which is rather broad, I shall be dressing up as the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland, my own creation, with my own spin of it of course :) Two of my friends I know are going as Alice, so I will totally be a pimp :p

I am hoping Sean comes, but not really expecting him too, he would feel out of place completely. I don't know what is happening with us, I love hanging out with him but we haven't hung out for weeks now. I know I miss hanging out with even though we were only hanging out once a week, I don't think I like him as more than a friend but I often find myself wishing/hoping he feels for me that way. Which then would mean I like him like that or else I wouldn't be thinking like that right?
He used to be my best friend, my sunshine, the only one I ever trusted before he moved when we were 13, I always had thought we would always be together as did all our friends. Even though they didn't like him all that much, they understood that he was my rock, the one that held me down, the one that completely understood me. He was there when Nan passed, whenever I needed him even after he moved and we talked online for hours at least 3 times a week. Then it was silent for a few years, with fewer and fewer messages exchanged, we often went months without talking. Then last year just after my birthday, we were back, talking every night nearly for hours, catching up on everything. Once he was moved back we would talk every night and hang out every Sunday for months. Now nothing. He was my everything once, now I am wondering if he ever will be again.

Much Love,
KimiKimiMore

R.I.P. Nan, Tenga and Granddad, lately I've just been wanting you around, to share your wisdom and pasts with me... There was so much I never got to learn ?

Living is just dying without the pain, or is it so much more than that? Only your heart can tell you. My heart? It's telling me I'm already dead if were going by pain factor alone...