It's true. I actually don't think that I've ever said I love you and meant it. I've said it because it was said to me, sure. But I've never willingly said it, besides to family, but that's completely different. I think that it's because whenever I feel anything remotely close to what I believe is love, I'm too scared to say anything. I get that feeling around him.
My throat closes up and my heart clenches and I feel like he's the only thing in the world that matters. Why? Who knows. He's everything. And he's mean. I know how he sees me, I know what he thinks when we're together. I'm nothing to him, but I'm nothing without him. And he's told me that. My feelings aren't important.
But I think I love him.
What am I supposed to do? Let him use me? Or let go of the only thing that really matters right now?
There's so much that I havent' said. So much that needs to be said, but that probably isn't right for a public journal. I can't talk to him about it, I know how he'd react. But someone, somewhere, must be going through a similar situation. I just need that .
Kalina is pregnant and I want to cry. Ask me why.
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Anyways, anyone want to trade, comment for comment?
Read my story Bullet Proof and leave a comment, and let me know what story you'd like me to read and comment on. (:
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Questions
1. What is the most heartbreaking thing that's ever happened to you?
2. How was your Easter weekend?
3. Favourite song right now?
4. Story you'd like to trade?
I don't think I've ever said "I love you" and meant it. [ trade?? ]
April 5th, 2010 at 01:14am