Are we pieces of a puzzle.

Lost. I think that's the word that can describe how I'm feeling right now. I hate that. When you suddenly feel that low for no reason in particular. You have no idea what triggered it. You were fine an hour ago, but suddenly, you're not exactly okay. You just feel low. I think you can always distract yourself from these feelings and make yourself feel better though and I'm glad there is that option. But sometimes you just have to let it be. Let it happen on its own. Be sad. It's funny this happens because there are moments in my life where I feel so happy and content in the moment that I think to myself, "how could I have felt so sad yesterday... this is amazing, life is good as can be." I'm not joking. I've had those moments. I try to remember them when I'm feeling low but it doesn't seem to change anything. I know these journals are sad and deep in their own way, but I'm on good terms with things. I just, I can't explain it. It's like something is missing and that's probably why I've started to write. I always write when I feel like this because I guess it helps me gather my thoughts together. When I feel like this, my thoughts are all over the place. I am wondering if I write when I sad. I don't think I'm sad. I'm extremely hurt by some things that have happened but I got on with life so I don't think I'm still sad. But am I? Funnily enough, I just backspaced the sentence in which I questioned whether I am sad. And I know exactly why. It's like I can't even acknowledge the possibility that I might actually be sad. I have a perfectionist view of myself where I feel the need to be happy or at least okay all the time. And with that. it's just that the idea of being sad seems weird to me. I don't generally have a fondness for people that are sad with life, that complain about things all the time, that can't just take a minute to acknowledge the beautiful and amazing things they have going for them. I don't mean to sound rude, some people have legitimate reasons to be sad, but I'm just fed up with our generation's constant desire to dwell on something. I'm not like it. I appreciate little things in life and I really am appreciative of the things I have going on. I just have all these thoughts all over the place and these lapses of low moods. And it wasn't like this before. I know that something better comes along when someone good goes away. I just can't seem to place the blessing in disguise this time round. I miss that something that made me feel gathered, although I know that if I was ever faced with an opportunity to take that thing back, I wouldn't. Because I know that there is something better and it's worth the wait.