EMO

Emo. I hate the word. 

Why?

Because I'm the fucking definition of it. 

That is if were using labels. 

That is if your thoughts are too shallow to look past the make up and music. 

That is if you enjoy using derogatory terms to feel better about yourself. 

I wear black fingernail polish. 
I wear a lot of eye make up. 
I'm obsessed with music, bands like MCR, P!ATD, etc. 
I write poetry. 
I wear a lot of black clothing. 
I (used to) fucking cut. 

But like I said. These things are way more then just "appearance" and "taste" 

I'll start with this:

I used to cut, but I was forced to stop when my mom found out. Why did I do it? Not because I wanted attention. Not because I was "depressed." I have a fairly decent life. But I also have an anxiety disorder. A disorder that causes extreme paranoia and anxiety. I obsess and freak out over exaggerated events they may not have even happened except in my head. I have embarrassing moments (some greatly exaggerated in my mind) that will flood into my mind and cause me to freak out. My heart starts racing if someone I don't know looks at me. I hear people talking across the room and I automatically check for anything they could be talking about that has to do withmy appearance me. I tell myself that I'm being stupid and ridiculous, but that doesn't stop the feeling of anxiety. You know the cliche saying that cutting is a relief? Well it's true. True in the sense that it releases endorphins. It gives you the same relief feeling as running on the treadmill after a heated argument. So I know that I should/could have done that instead, it was probably just my stupidity/ignorance that kept me from it. That or the fact that I get so overloaded with school work the my only free time is spent half awake I'm so exhausted. 

The anxiety also has a lot to do with my self consciousness/low self esteem. (or vice versa. Not sure which.) The fact that people tell me I'm pretty and I can't believe them. They tell me I'm smart but I feel as if its a lie. The reason I wear so much make up: I feel like me, myself, am not pretty. And I have to cover up all my imperfections with make up. The fact that I feel like my eyes are too small so I need more eyeliner. I feel like my hands are too chubby so I need dark fingernail polish to distract from that. I need hair covering as much of my imperfections that it can in my face. It so explains the dark clothing. I have issues with my weight. I sometimes feel like crying because I'm not as skinny as everyone else. No matter how hard I try. Even though I know, it's the way I was born. I can't help it. I do diet. I do exercise. But sometimes it's just hard. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm upset. I eat when I get anxious. Cutting stopped me from over eating. 

As for the taste in music. I've always had a different way of thinking. I enjoy songs with deep meanings that keep my mind busy, or story lines that keep me entertained. Even some that bring out my emotions. That's what emo is. Music. As Frank Iero says, it's used to describe a music genera. Emotional. But all good music should be emotional. Call me crazy, but I'd weather listen to a song that makes me laugh or cry as apposed to a song about someone fucking, or a pizza girl. 

As for the poetry, one of the few things I do love about myself is my writing skills. So if writing poetry makes me happy, then I'm not emo am I? Since your definition of emo is probably some poor kid sitting in the corner slitting his wrist crying tears of black eyeliner and writing poems about death. 

Labels. Are. For. Fucking. Soup cans. 

Emo is short for emotional. Leave it at that. And let me be myself. I'm not emo. I'm Mykaela. And I like what I like.