Scared.

We couldn't even manage one week without seeing each other. How did this turn into a complete break? Yesterday was so perfect.. It smelt like summer. You look ridiculously beautiful under the street lights. It was a mutual decision. It's been a year already; no fights, not arguements, we saw each other every day. When you asked me what I wanted, I wanted to say to kiss you. But now I have to wait until that random phone call of you wanting me back into your arms. I'm praying to God that day actually comes. This wound is too fresh for you already wanting to talk to me. To see if I'm "okay". What do you think? Stayed home from school, I don't want to sit there with people judging my tears. It's a good thing you don't go there.. Even though it would make me the happiest girl in the world to see you tomorrow.. It's not right. You texting me right now is like pouring salt all over my body. These wounds are too fresh, far too fresh. Who knows how our feelings will change from now 'till than. I wonder what you'll look like. I don't honestly think you can get any more beautiful. Everything reminds me of you. I really can't take it. Everything scares me. I'm jumpy and jittery. I can't eat anything. I'm shaking writing this. Here comes the random flood of tears. This is whats going to tear me apart; the mood changes. Ridiculously happy one second, pushed up against the bathroom door the next. My food won't stay down. I want to eat everything in the world, because I know if you found out I wasn't eating, it'd break your heart even more. I'm trying, so hard.. I'm calm now. These songs mellow me out, even though I can see your face in all of them. We're so young.. Why must it come down to this, already? I need to get out this weekend, and have fun. Temporarily forget about you. That one made me laugh. I reek of throw up and salty tears. Taking a shower would most likely be appropriate at a time like this. I'm just scared..