take a peek in my thoughts

i know it seems horrible and all, but i can't really ever trust anyone. not even family. not even Erin, to see at the least, that is very sad. i've been stabbed in the back so many different times, by friends, by family, by my sister, by my own mother, and as the years went by, i found it harder and harder to forgive them everytime they messed up. after a while...i just stopped believing them. and soon after, i stopped trusting them, because behind every lie they told me, seemed to be something deeper. a family feud, a painful past, my mother stabbing my father seven times, can you believe that? no, right? you probably think im crazy. just like everyone else. as i said before i snapped underneath all that pressure and flipped, making the people around me see a whole new person, one they never saw with the sweet, kind, and innocent girl i was, they saw a monster.
yes, how silly, i prefer myself to be accounted as a monster, if you had ever stepped foot in my mind, you would know why. some part of me wants to destroy every living being on earth, every person who walks by or someone i catch a glance with because, right away, there an enemy, an evil being who plots to make me cry. the other half, the girl who wants to be happy, the girl who wants to be friends with the outside world, not just the voices in my head, not just being trapped inside. she cares about those people, those people who only aim to hurt me. i am totally different from who i really am anymore,
i don't know who i am anymore.
i appreciate you reading this, and at least trying to understand,
you, somehow, have just made my day.