Got out of the hospital, big YAY for me. I was in since Wednesday which really was completely unnecessary all I did on Wednesday was got my IV which wasn't even hooked up till four o'clock in the morning on Thursday.
Wonderful experiences IVs are, ever had one? No? Let me share, I have tiny veins apparently which make putting an IV in my hand very hard. Guarantees more then one poke. The poke is really not that bad, its the feeling of the needle trying to push itself into your vein well basically fishing around the thin layer of your skin and the bones of your hand that feels strange yet painful.
Three tries on my left hand, one left a bruise because she fished the IV in my hand for a good two minutes trying to get it in my vein. Two on the other hand and then finally after going through two nurses who could not get my IV. They decided that it might be best if they waited for another nurse to get off her break to have a try.
I also think that decision had something to do with my whole body shaking and my hands where turning ice cold. I don't know what it is about IVs but I always get shaky, it happened last time to, but of course there wasn't as many pokes last time.
Anyways finally this other nurse gets off of lunch break comes to my room and decideds that she will not do any more damage to my hands and therefore I got my very first IV in crook of my arm.
Lovely place to have an IV you want to know why? Because not only do you have to keep your arm straight - the amount your able to bend isn't even worth it - but you would think well you still have use of your hand why this a wonderfully place! You'd be wrong, you'd find it surprising how many things you need to bend your arm for and then use your hand.
This place of IV also entails not such a comfy sleeping position add in an uncomfortable hospital bed and you get the total opposite of a wonderful sleep. Especially when two women you have never seen before come in claim they are your night nurses at four in the morning and hook you up to a machine that your going to have to drag around for the next two days.
Because the next day, Thursday I got my biopsy and to make this nice and simple, I've had a kidney disease since around the age of five. I got it from strep throat and was lucky enough to get this rare strand of it that makes me grow extra cells. This I guess will never go away its just something I'm going to have to live with and make sure it doesn't get any worse.
Life is good to me.
I had biopsy well actually two in the range of three days apart last summer and I was only under a local both times, didn't like it either time. First time the whole aiming this needle that was shooting into my body to take out a piece of my kidney was going off of x-rays. Second time since that one didn't work was with ultra sound, that one worked as in was actually hitting my kidney, it just didn't get enough or anything they could use.
I did not enjoy local, happy drug did not make me happy. It made me cry and want to strangle those who were controlling this needle of torture. So this time although I was well aware that they get better readings if you are awake blah blah blah, I insisted to anyone who asked I wanted a GENERAL, sleep, I want to feel nothing, remember nothing. Because the memory of the other two times is enough to do me for a long time.
This one was also an ultra sound. Imagine my rage when the ultra sound lady told me that she would never have just gone by an x-ray or an educated guess she doesn't care how well practised this doctor is, everyone's body has little differences in placement or size so the risk of just hitting something else is a lot greater without an ultra sound.
WHAT?
I've had two before when I was a kid and don't really recall all that much I was asleep both times, but they where both done based off of x-rays and yeah nothing went wrong but still just a little freaky. Made me twitch a little.
The biopsy went fine, my friends came in and visited something I wasn't expecting. It was nice thou, fast forward through the torture of bed rest when you have nothing to do...
A volunteer comes by and presents me a teddy bear saying how they where donated to all the kids on floor. Now everything above of this, the whole complain, complain, complain something I didn't really voice just what was going through my head.
Is now eating at my insides, I do not deserve a teddy bear. And even now as I look over at it on my bed, I feel terribly guilty for even accepting the bear. I was only in there for four days. That bear should have went to someone who actually needed a brighter outlook on the day because they haven't been in there for just four days.
They've been in there for months at a time, they put pictures on the wall, decorated their door, they have their own blankets on their bed. And I feel so guilty for taking the bear and being such a baby about the biopsy because they go through so much more and their just little kids.
I've tried explaining this to a few people, but they don't seem to get it. Going to the hospital is a big deal to my friends. But I've been going once every six months for a doctors appointment / blood work since I was five its not a big deal to me. Its not a big deal at all if you compare it to what some of those kids go through....
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I regret accepting the damn bear. I had a moment of being selfish and forgot what I've always felt because my doctor decided to make me stay an extra day afraid of internal bleeding and I was feeling sorry for myself.
And now I just feel guilty. For taking that damn bear away from someone who actually could have used it and for forgeting just how good I have it.
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