Home.

One of the worst feelings is knowing that your parents aren't happy with each other. And that they are not going to do anything about it. They act fine, even happy, most of the times. But the things that are said during the fights are revelations that go past what I'd imagined. It's hard to imagine someone being so upset with someone else. It breaks my heart. I am not one to share details of my life with people, so this is a topic that I've rarely discussed or opened up about but I wish that I was comfortable with just talking about all this with someone I trusted. I had massive issues opening up about things and that's the whole reason I have this journal because I can open up about all of my feelings in their rawness and entirety and nothing will happen. But I think there are some thing I want to be able to tell someone and have them react, in a manner that is comforting. Words wouldn't even be necessary from them, just an acknowledgement that they listened and they understood. They think that the kids don't notice when they wrap a fight and go on to serve us dinner in the evening. As if the end of the fight means the end of the matter, but I know better and I know that nothing was solved. Nothing is ever solved in this house and that's probably where I get my shit fighting skills from because I have never seen two adults sit down and discuss the problem where they both apologise for their part at the end and strive to make things better. I hope this realisation helps me change because I don't want to live my life in an unresolved way.