I can't seem to find my other me.
No not a split personality! But my other self I could retreat to when I couldn't bare what was going on in my life.
I'd run to her and she'd comfort me with writing poems, letting music drowned things out, having pefect detailed day dreams, and she saw the world in different ways.
She was my escape! She was my santuary...but for some reason I feel as if she gone. I mean when I get extremely emotional and I want to escape in her, and I pull out my journals, pens and pencil, and I want to go to town I can't seem to connect with her to let the words flow. And it scares me.
I haven't been able to write decent poems or stories. Heck my writing skills just suck! The more and more I don't write-the more and more diconnected I feel with her and the rest of me. The more I don't feel. Yeah yeah call it a zombie or whatever you want but I'm sick of not being her or what I use to be.
I just want to go back in time and find what caused this problem. Then do anything to prevent it. Because its a sickening feeling when I feel....lost. Gone and I can't write to save my sanity.
Sigh. What am I suppose to do is what I'm asking. I am at a point where I feel as if I can't help myself. So I'm turning to others-who at least feel the same way or care-and I ask you:
What did I do to myself? How do I fix it?
I Want To Go Back
April 27th, 2010 at 08:22am