Engineering - not even worth it

I have never been so frsutrated in my entire life. No matter how much effort I put into my physics course, I never get the results in my marks. I have just barely passed every single test that I've ever had. The only reason my mark is in the 70s is because of all the assignments. I'm not going to have that opportunity with the final exam.

What the hell am I going to do?

I'm not even sure why I wanted to become an engineer in the first place. For some reason, I thought that I might actually be good at it. For the first time in my life, I'm not getting 90s in math and science. I work my fucking ass off and all I get are shit marks.

Perhaps that bitch was right; I'm really not smart enough to be an engineer. The dumbest person I've ever met in my life, who asks the most irrelevant questions gets all the marks on the tests. He's also going to Queen's.

I know I'm a smart person. I know that I work hard. I know I can do it. I know I understand.

Why am I failing so hard?

I don't want to have to go to UOIT for a year "just to bring my marks up" as my mother puts it. I shouldn't have to do that. I've wanted Queen's for as long as I've wanted engineering.

I want to get out of this town. I want to be able to support my family and give them a better life. Why is it so difficult just to make it to the end of the year?

My mother thinks I have no drive beyond school. She thinks this because I don't have a job.

I tried working while I had school, and that only made me more stressed out and prone to these "breakdowns" as she calls them. She says that at my age she wanted to make her own money so she could be autonomous. She says that she already had her driver's licence and that she really wanted to be able to drive just so she could get he fuck away.

But I have my own money already, and I'm afraid of killing people when I get into the car. There are so many stupid pedestrians on the road; crossing the street willy-nilly with no respect for the people operating motor vehicles that would have to pay for their rehabilitation.

I can't do this. It's too hard, and I don't even know if it's what I really want to do. I have a feeling that I'm just going to end up some poor slob with no life, no friends, no husband. I feel like such a failure. My parents think I should take a victory lap, even though it will do me no good.

I can't do this. I can't keep giving everything that I have for mediocre marks. I can't do this. It's not even worth the trouble anymore.