Author's note: I came up with these myself. I did NOT find them on any other site, so do not even contemplate reporting me for these. They are all MINE and MINE ALONE. Same goes for stealing, which I do not like either. This is a Journal because these are technically my thoughts about what would be funny to see being done in the laboratory, but really should not be done. So therefore you CANNOT report me for that. Enjoy!
1. When something explodes in my face, I will not exclaim loudly in a fake German accent, “Und it’s back to ze drawing board!’
2. I will NOT use an Australian accent when reading the labels of the animals in jars aloud.
3. When I receive my frog/cat/fetal pig for dissection, I will not exclaim “Crikey, what a beaut!’”
4. If the assignment is to dissect a cat, I will not refer to the cat as Luna.
5. Similarly, I will not carve a moon-shaped incision on the cat’s head.
6. In the case of number 4, I will also not dance around the room with the cat’s body singing “The Siamese Cat Song”.
7. I will not dance around the lab holding Petri dishes to my eyes while singing the McGoogles song from “Max Keeble’s Big Move”.
8. When I receive my dissection equipment, I will not sing ‘My Friends’ from Sweeney Todd.
9. Neither will I stroke it and call it “My precious.”
10. Nor will I swing them around in the air and sing "Hi Ho, Hi Ho" from Snow White.
11. I will also not hold the scalpel (should there be one) in the air and ask the entire lab, “Who’s for a free shave?”
12. I will not sing “The Worst Pies in London” while dissecting my frog/cat/fetal pig, no matter how well it would fit with the activity.
13. I will not refer to my science teacher as Professor Snape, no matter how mean they are.
14. I will not exclaim “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!’ While preparing to remove the frog/cat/fetal pig’s brain.
15. Similarly, I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef no matter what sort of activity in the lab is going on.
16. I will not demand an exorcism if my frog/cat/fetal pig died with its eyes open and was looking at me.
17. I will not refer to my science teacher as Bill Nye, the Science Guy.
18. I will not threaten to cut my lab partner’s gonads off, no matter how angry or able I am to do so.
19. If I have successfully completed mixing a compound in the lab, I will not begin referring to it as Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir.
20. Neither will I call it a Fizzy Lifting Drink.
21. While mixing a compound, I will not sing “The Candy Man” from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
22. If there is a pickled baby crocodile in the jarred animal collection, I will not walk around ticking like a clock and shoving it in people's faces.
23. I will not draw “The Size of (insert classmate here)’s Butt” graphs on the Lab Safety Poster.
24. The glass slides are not xylophone keys and I should therefore not try to play them as such.
25. Nor will I try to use the test tubes, beakers, and graduated cylinders as a wine glass symphony.
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