The Only Exception.

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it.
And my mama swore that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.

When I was 13, my parents had a physical separation. None of my friends really knew. I tried not to tell anyone else because around this time, I realized the discrimination towards children living in broken families. My dad decided to live at the house his family inherited but my mom was against it so my mom stayed at our old apartment while my dad moved at their boarding house. My sister and I were given the choice of were to stay. My sister stayed with my mom while my brother and I moved in with my dad although I'd stay with my mom over the weekend.

One day, I was going through the empty house my mother called home and I found an unsealed envelope. I read the letter in it and it was from my mom to my grandmother. Pretty much, it was how about how painful it would be for a mother to deal with her own child rejecting her. That day, I hated my father for making that decision. That day, I lost all belief that a marriage can possibly work out considering all the issues my family has with relationships and commitment.

When my brother and mom had an argument regarding his second child and the fact he didn't want to get married, I knew that LOVE was nonexistent. The only thing that existed in the world was lust and greed. I had to witness all the fights, slaps and screaming. I was sure I'd never fall in love. That I'd never expect anything from anyone. That if someone tells me they love, it's a lie because even the unconditional love people say a mother has for her children is something mythical.

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this- keeping a comfortable distance
Coz none of it was ever worth the risk.

Although I had it implanted in my brain that love is mythical and nonexistent, I still jumped at the thought that someone actually had feelings for me until he ended things because of very immature reasons. By then, I had personal experience as to how stupid and fake love could be.

Then number 2 came along. I denied the fact it was love because it was a strangely familiar feeling but I knew there were feelings involved. Until I gave him every piece of me and he just tore it apart and threw it away. By then I would resist all emotion. I'd deny all feeling. I'd build walls around me so no one can hurt me. Walking lonely roads or wearing a mask. Walking at least three steps behind everyone else. I didn't want to get hurt, because I knew I couldn't take it anymore.

But darling you are the ONLY exception

Then HE came along.

And every single wall I built he managed to blow away and every single bit of hatred I have against love just manages to disappear into thin air. Now I manage to smile and laugh without any hint of faking it. I honestly don't remember the last time I smiled like this...before him?

Now I'm on my way to believing

I know that I WILL fight to make this last.